


Songstress || Niall Horan AU

by prismdreams



Series: Rewrite the Stars [1]
Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Car Sex, Comedy, Cute Louis, Cute Niall, Depressed Niall, Drama, Drunk Niall, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Insecure Niall, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Music, Natural Disasters, Non-Famous Niall Horan, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Pining Niall, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Wedding Singer, Weddings, singer songwriter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismdreams/pseuds/prismdreams
Summary: "Why can't life be free like that? I guess that's why it's all fiction. Gives you the illusion so you keep believing..." Now I was just rambling, please, god, shut up now. "It's wrong.""It's not wrong to still believe," Niall said, making me lock my eyes with his.I smiled sadly, he doesn't understand. "Well, I gave up years ago. No point in starting now."I felt my hand being held, not gripped, but held in comfort by his. The soft warmth that came from the sentiment was making my cynicism hard to mask."You don't have to...give up, I mean."My eyes scaled to meet his, piercing me with compassion and understanding. I swallowed, feeling my throat go dry. Why was he staring at me like he knew me? Like he got me?Full Summary inside. Niall/OC AU
Relationships: Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Rewrite the Stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890988
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

_**Summary:** Niall Horan waited his life to find the one, now that he was getting married his entire world was changing. Right down to the catering, the cake, picking out dresses, suits, writing the vows, and anything his sweetheart desired. Most of it had been fairly easy as his bride-to-be had it all planned until they realized they didn't have a wedding singer._

_Claire Andrews was a struggling singer-songwriter just waiting for her big break. She moved to the city with big dreams in hopes of landing that one true performance that will change her life. Looking for a job, she spotted a small ad in the paper for a local couple looking for a wedding singer. Was this the big break she'd been waiting for? Niall/OC_

* * *

Claire's POV

I have a lot of hair...no wait, yeah, I have a lot of hair and I often hide behind it.

It's just who I am and always will be, a girl in the shadow of something. But it wasn't so bad. No one really questioned it and I never had to bring it up.

Thankfully high school—that awkward time people thought I was a deaf-mute, was over. Although, I enjoyed not being the center of attention.

You see, I left home and never looked back. My dad wouldn't want that for me. He said living in a small town with big dreams was a complete impossibility. I had no choice. My mother, well, that's an entirely different story altogether.

She and I have never seen eye to eye. She always thought I was wasting my time chasing something that wasn't in the cards. How can she know that? I'll never explain her judgemental behavior. Not even a therapist can.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of my studio apartment, which I could barely afford as is and took the express train to the nearest college in the city.

I needed a job, a real one. I had one to pay the bills but I'm reaching my breaking point with it. It's been lackluster and run its course. I deserve something better. Every struggling artist does.

San Francisco bay was particularly crisp this morning, I made sure to bundle my coat before trotting outside. The trains today were virtually empty and I was grateful.

I realized I needed to find a job soon or my struggle was only going to consume me. Pushing my deep brown bangs out of my eyes I checked my phone to see if the recording studio had been open today. It was, but I couldn't go.

I've been trying to save some extra money to afford an hour recording session to make my first demo. I liked to think of it as layaway, one day I'll get my time in there like it was supposed to be. I know it might be a long shot until I finally get there, living from paycheck to paycheck, but anything's possible I guess.

I got off at the downtown exit near the university and walked over to the student café and bistro that was normally packed, but like the trains, it was fairly quiet. It felt more like a library. Score.

The usual baristas were serving the patrons. They sort of knew me by name, I was grateful for that. I loved coming here, it made looking for a job less stressful. Definitely more personal.

Sometimes the occasional handsome guy breezed inside, ordering a simple black coffee, reading the daily news. But then the bronze band on his ring finger revealed all I needed to know. It didn't always happen but I tend to see the best looking, more sound men already taken. Just my luck.

Why am I still on this? Probably because I know it's never going to happen for me. That's right, I'm 27-years-old, and I know my fate in having love in my life is sealed. I just know. You pass a certain age where it's just inevitable.

After ordering a tea latte and the paper, I took my usual seat near the corner of the place. It always smelled so nice here. It distracted me and I often let it. A couple of laptops were open, nothing much, the decor was welcoming and warm.

I sipped my hot drink and dove inside the section I needed from the very massively bound Sunday paper. This felt like homework that I forced myself to do. I'd rather be somewhere else, doing something else. Maybe in some far off reality, truly happy with the love of my life. I shook my head, this was ridiculous.

I grabbed my marker and circled some prospects, taking my phone to bookmark all the numbers and websites attached to each opportunity. None of them were particularly thrilling, but they were jobs, they weren't supposed to be.

If I could get a paid internship somewhere involving music, that'd be ideal. First things first, something to get by on so I'll survive. Guess that's all I've been doing lately.

My head turned as a couple just walked in, hand in hand. They looked like they had a lazy morning, laying in each other's arms, deciding to get their caffeine fix. He didn't tear his eyes away from her and I didn't blame him, she was beautiful. She was Princess Aurora come to life. Perfect golden hair, wide blue-green eyes, full lips, makeup on point, skin clear as the Maldives waters.

Of course, she had someone. The guy was an All-American blond, same eyes only bluer, like midnight blue. Strong hands and broad shoulders. Stocky and athletic, probably from playing soccer or football. But more than likely he is a swimmer, most blond guys swam or surfed around this town.

He bent down to reach her petite frame, kissing her briefly before they grabbed their drinks and sat opposite from me. I stopped staring when I realized I had been, I hoped they didn't catch me, I can be quite nosy. Sighing, I turned my attention back to the homework in front of me.

I drank a long sip from my latte and checked the time. I definitely didn't want to stay too long.

There wasn't much to check here, I did most of the skimming and took down all the appropriate places that worked in my radius.

I finished my drink at the same time I closed the jobs section of the paper. I don't see any point in keeping the section. Standing up I placed the paper on the tiny kiosk counter where all the sugars and milk were. I really didn't wanna log around the newspaper when I had a full day ahead of me.

I threw away my to-go cup and grabbed some napkins before leaving.

I made it outside near the meters before I realized I forgot my phone. Rolling my eyes I turned around and found it sitting on the table I just was. Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked over and grabbed the device. I placed it back inside my purse and blew out a breath before making it back outside.

I found the crosswalk and waited for the signal. Bored from waiting, I fished out my phone and checked my emails, my anxiety mounting.

First I heard sounds, then I saw feet moving and joined the crowd walking across the long crosswalk.

I paused suddenly when my eyes expanded on one peculiarly sent email.

_Benjamin and Shirley,_   
_Proudly invite you to our wedding for memories and timeless love shared with close friends and family._   
_Date: September 21_   
_RSVP_

I scoffed, "As if I need more reminders that my life sucks."

I shook when I heard someone shouting at me.

"Look out!" Was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall's POV

Knowing it was Sunday, I had a craving to go to my favorite café in the downtown bay area. I could practically smell me favorite drink from here.

I didn't have to be at the hospital today but it didn't mean I wasn't pegged to be on call. Pretty much the life of an EMT in San Francisco. I'm one of the voluntary specialists in the field.

I enjoyed it. Me life was full. My family was healthy and happy. Me brother just got married with a baby on the way, me parents renewed their wedding vows. And I am the luckiest man right now, chatting to the love of my life. My Cherice.

I called her up and asked her if she wanted anything and she told me no, just get back as soon as I can because she needed me back.

After I clicked off the call, I stood in line and waited for the barista to take my order. Gosh, I love being here. My life, although perfect from a distance was somewhat stressful. Being part of the medical community didn't always leave me time for meself. Probably because I was in a relationship that demanded a lot of my time.

And now, times have changed. Me freedoms were sort of gone the moment I proposed to my sweetheart. It sounded like I'm complaining, but I'm not. Like I said, we're not perfect.

I asked her to marry me before the summer was coming to an end. Me Mother suggested so, I didn't disagree. I loved Cherice very much, and it was time. Just my freedoms, they practically came and went. I didn't get a chance to save goodbye to them, like an old friend.

I'm happy, this is the life I want. Everything is going according to plan. Like God intended. Me life was finally happening for me.

So why is this feeling coming back? I can't describe it, but it was another voice inside my head putting doubts about my choices. Why was that voice still present? Perhaps it was normal. All these big changes were coming pretty fast, my life was taking off. Yeah, this is all normal.

After I received my drink, I took a seat near the door in case I had to make a quick dash out. Yeah, it sounded like I was complaining again, but I'm not, it's just people needed me, whether it was work or personal. My time is valuable and it doesn't belong to me. Maybe for a few minutes, it could.

I looked at me phone, thinking about switching it off, then wincing when I realized what a ridiculous notion that was. People needed me, I couldn't let them down. I turned it over and picked up my drink, forcing myself to stop thinking about this.

San Francisco bay was cold today. I loved it. People in coats, getting ready for the Fall frost, such a great feeling. Reminded me of back home in Ireland.

Me family came here when I left high school. I've always wanted to live in America, especially in California. The state itself was bigger than where I'm from, I just loved it. So beautiful here, the people, the weather, the oceans, scenery, overall life, the carefree attitude, this was my home.

I stared outside as my mind began to wonder. Am I doing the right thing? This is my life, I should always be happy. Never there should be a doubt in my mind of any of this. So why does this keep coming up? Why does it feel like it'll keep coming up?

The bell of the door chimed and rushed in a young lady, quite tall, no older than me, hurrying to fetch something.

Her plentiful dark brown hair covered her eyes but I could tell they were big and expressive. Her mouth was small but full enough, pinching into a thin line, showing stress. She has a lot on her mind, I observed. Her small doll-like nose scrunched in disgust.

She grabbed her phone and blew a sigh of relief, throwing it in her purse. For a second, I thought she looked in my direction, but it was in my mind only. She seemed more preoccupied with leaving than anything else.

I sighed and finished the rest of my drink. Realizing it was time to go back and not make Cherice worry. Knowing them, they might send a search party after me. That slightly irritated me, but I understood as I stood and walked out.

As I walked over to my car, I heard a voice behind me on the clear street.

It was _her_ , all that hair; unless she had a twin, it was definitely her. She stared at her phone like she had been punched in the stomach.

She scoffed, "As if I need more reminders that my life sucks."

I heard loud vehicles behind me and reacted fast. I sprinted as fast as I could, shouting the only thing I can think of.

"Look out!" I cried as my protective instincts took over.

Cradling her body in my arms, I supported her head before she could make contact with the sidewalk asphalt, essentially saving her.

I hope I did, my breathing sped up before I could register what just happened. Moaning escaped her lips before her eyes opened slowly in slits. They were ice blue in color, almost vampiric.

A groan slipped out as she attempted to talk. "Am I dead?"

I didn't know how to answer so I said the first thing that entered my mind. "I got you, you're safe."

Soft moans came again as her eyes faded indefinitely.

Oh no, I had to act fast, before a concussion completely took over.


	3. Chapter 3

Claire's POV

Am I actually dead? Is there heart monitors beeping in heaven? Slowly my eyes came to as I realized I was very much alive.

Groaning, I blinked a couple of times before finally focusing. Hospital room. Why was I here? My body felt sore and my head pounded.

I shook my head as I sat up in the bed. Why was I tucked in? Weird. I felt my forehead, touching a light gauze covering a gash. I looked at my hands and saw some bruises, nothing major.

"What the hell just happened?"

"Welcome back," An Irish voice asked me.

My head shot up, I peered at the doorway through blurry vision There was a guy, caramel brown hair, probably not much older than me, slight babyface, standing against the open door with his arms across his chest.

I couldn't make out any features, my mind was still trying to come back.

"What happened?" I asked again, my voice hoarse.

He stepped closer and that was when I could see him better. His eyes were a strong piercing blue, sprays of yellow around the iris. His mouth was small but plump, almost inviting. He had a heart-shaped face, cleft chin, a small, but noticeable, dimple as he stared at me.

Butterflies were coming before I could stop them. If I wasn't awake, I sure felt it now. I found my eyes locked with his, as he came closer to the bed, holding a clipboard under his shoulder.

"Well, you were standing in the middle of the crosswalk. I happened to be around and saw a dumpster fall down the steep hill. It would have crushed you. You passed out shortly after. I brought you here just to make sure you were OK." He said, checking over the paper on the clipboard. "Everything here says you are. Mentally...well, how are you feeling?"

Honestly? "Like I died and was brought back. Wait, there was something coming at me?"

"Yeah, not really sure how that happened. I'm just glad I got there in time. I think the crowd around said it was an accident. A car might have sideswiped it."

I then noticed something. "Your hand, oh my god. Are you okay?"

He lifted his bandaged covered hand and shrugged it off like it was a scrap. It didn't look that way to me. "Small price for making sure you were alright."

I sighed deeply, the way he stared intimidated me a little. I groaned, feeling like someone squeezed my head. I barely noticed him walking to me, touching my arm gently.

"It's okay, I'm right here. I have something for you, for _that_." He said, pausing as I heard shuffling.

I looked up through the pain as he brought over a prescription bottle. Painkillers? Great, now I have to monitor all this. Still, I reached out to take the bottle, sharing a small look with him. Doubt creeping up.

"I'm sorry, I can't take this," I argued.

"Why not?"

"I can't afford it."

"It's no charge, don't worry about it. You should take them." He pleaded, his eyes gentle and soft.

I bit my lip and tore my eyes away from him. It was hard to say no suddenly, something about his eyes compelled me to listen to him.

"Thank you," My voice came out meek. "How long was I out for?"

He shrugged. "Just an hour. I wanted to stay until you woke up. Wanted to make sure you didn't have a concussion."

"Oh," I sat up straighter, realizing I was in my clothes under the sheets, smoothing the stiff covers.

"Thank you," I spoke again, holding his eyes with mine as he smiled slightly, that dimple more prominent.

I pointed to his clipboard after an awkward silence.

"Is that my medical status?"

He nodded, checking it over. "Yeah, you're fine. You can go home if you like. Although, I recommend taking it easy. Start slow, you've had a lot shock your system today."

My stomach grumbled, he definitely heard that. "Sorry."

"It's OK, would you like something to eat?"

I licked my dry lips, my stomach rumbling even louder as he said that. He heard, blushing as he looked down.

"Yeah, am I good to go?" I asked him, wanting to be sure.

"You are. Here are your shoes, your purse is here." He brought them over to me.

I took them and smiled at him. Why was he being so nice? He never met me. I found it a little odd he was lingering in my presence. Maybe because he was the one who saved me, he must have felt an obligation. Maybe I wanted him to stick around and he sensed that.

"Thanks, umm, you don't have to join me. I appreciate everything you've done. I'm sure you'd want to get back to your day, really." As I said the words, I didn't believe them, hoping he wouldn't notice.

His reaction was somewhat offended. "Oh, you sure?"

Great, now I feel like shit. "Well, I think you've done enough. I'm sure you have important things to do."

He shrugged. "Not really. I wouldn't mind at all."

I made the mistake of staring in his eyes. Dear God, they were a work of art. Is he even real? Blushing, I stared down, smiling shyly.

"OK, umm, actually, I have a question?"

He sat down and gave me his attention.

"Maybe it's my head or something but I'm having trouble remember the shopping center. Would you know where it is?"

"I do. I can walk you there. It's near the hospital right next to the park. I'll let you get ready, meet you out in the lobby?" He smirked, getting up to leave.

Oh boy, I sighed a little too loudly. I took my time standing up, feeling all the blood swirling around my body. Slowly, I slipped on my flats and grabbed my purse.

I made my way out of the room and spotted the man I had just seen, waiting in the lobby. He looked like he was texting someone ravenously, he didn't notice I was in the room.

"Hey," I spoke up, my voice getting more color.

The brunette guy stared up and shoved his phone away as he stood up. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, am I signed out?"

He nodded. "Got ya covered. Follow me."

I did just that, my brain and my body were doing battle again. Maybe it was his scent that confused me. Damn, why did he have to smell so amazing?

He led the way, walking in relative silence a few blocks toward the shopping center. I realized I could have found this place myself and parted ways with...

"I just realized you saved my life and I don't know your name," I said as he turned to me.

He smiled briefly, almost shyly, "It's Niall, yours?"

"Claire. Sorry, I'm still trying to return to normal here." I confessed.

I almost lost my balance until he caught me before I fell down. Feeling so embarrassed, I grumbled to myself.

"You alright, then?" He asked me.

I stared into his eyes, getting lost for a moment before I gulped.

"I'm sor—" I started to say but he interrupted me.

"It's OK. Really..." He said reassuring me, supporting my body properly so I could stand.

"Let's sit down," He spoke, leading me to the nearest bench. "Here," he sat down beside me, still holding my hand.

Awkwardly, I sat down, suddenly the pain in my head came back. Niall had brought a bottle of water and the pain pills near me and a butter croissant. I placed the food down and hesitated before acting.

I looked at them, then at him. Silently, I took one, swallowing it with the chilled liquid. Wincing, I just tried not to lean forward. My head pounded even harder this time.

"Distract me." I panicked.

"What?"

"It's not going away. The pain. What I just took needs time to work. Distract me, so I won't think of it." I said in a rushed breath.

"Huh? Oh...yeah," I could practically hear him scratching his head awkwardly. "People call me Neil instead of Niall sometimes just to piss me off."

Holding my temples together, I turned to face him, my face in anguish. "Huh? Oh, yeah, that's weird. What else?"

"Being an EMT when I first moved here from Ireland wasn't my first choice."

My brows rose. He's an EMT? No wonder he knew exactly what he was doing at the hospital. "What was your first choice?"

"A writer." He said, simply. "Sort of, just a silly dream I had in school, suppose before I had to get serious."

"Oh, I see. It's not silly at all. The world could use more—oh god, really sorry about this." I tensed.

Niall's bandage free hand held mine tighter. "It's OK, just focus on me voice. I've always wanted to scale a mountain but I've been too scared to actually do it."

I managed a smile. "So have I. Too afraid of heights. Least of my worries right now."

He laughed.

"I'm also afraid of birds. Too suspicious, they are."

I almost croaked out a laugh but I still felt the pain searing in me, clouding my cohesion.

"Are you from here?" He asked.

"No, I left my home 2 years ago." Cringing internally as I answered.

"Where's home?"

"Smyrna, Georgia."

"Never been. Do you miss it?"

I shut my eyes and squeezed his hand. "Not really. That's why I left."

He chuckled at my answer. "Favorite movie and why?"

"Uh, toss between _Good Will Hunting_ and _Sleepless in Seattle_. What's yours?"

" _Braveheart_ , with _The Town_ in a close second. Favorite season and why?"

"Winter, hands down. Because of the hot cocoa, probably, haha. No, wait, yeah, the hot cocoa, I feel like people are nicer in Winter."

"Do ya? Mine's Summer, drastic difference from Ireland where it always rains. Actually, Spring now that I reckon. Both lovely seasons. Winter has a soft spot in me heart." He concluded; I had to smile at how nervous he sounded.

I laughed, the last bit of my nerves trying to calm down, I released my hold on his hand, feeling like something was working. Closing my eyes, I inhaled, exhaling slowly. Definitely feel something coursing through my system.

"Wow..." I trailed off.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." I paused, breathing in deep really helped, and of course, Niall. "Thanks, umm, medicinal drugs don't work that quick for me."

"Really? I gave you the lowest dosage. Any higher in milligrams and your body would be near tranquilized."

Yet another thing I didn't know, now I feel embarrassed, again. "Oh, well, whatever it was, it feels gone now."

"That's good. I'm glad." He said with a smile, that dimple appearing.

We turned to the noise in front of us. People were gathering on the grass with picnic baskets, blankets, some with their families, others on dates. They were all chatting and pointing toward a jumbo screen that appeared in front of a stage.

Nervously, I laughed, now it just got weird as a movie began playing.

"Is there some kind of special event going on that I don't know about?" I blushed, nibbling on the croissant, barely looking at the screen playing some old vintage film.

"Dunno, I've never seen this before." Niall amused. "Oh, this is one of those drive-ins but without the car, yeah?"

Niall clearly is from Ireland, you'd think it was another planet.

I shrugged, leaning back as I focused on the movie, finishing the pastry. "What a nice time that must be."

"What's that now?"

I gestured to the screen. "To live in those times. Sorry, just feel like I was born in the wrong era."

Niall got more comfortable, leaning back, his body more relaxed, mirroring my position. "Sometimes I feel that way too."

"Why can't life be free like that? I guess that's why it's all fiction. Gives you the illusion so you keep believing..." Now I was just rambling, please, god, shut up now. "It's wrong."

"It's not wrong to still believe," Niall said, making me lock my eyes with his.

I smiled sadly, he doesn't understand. "Well, I gave up years ago. No point in starting now."

I felt my hand being held, not gripped, but held in comfort by his. The soft warmth that came from the sentiment was making my cynicism hard to mask.

"You don't have to...give up, I mean."

My eyes scaled to meet his, piercing me with compassion and understanding. I swallowed, feeling my throat go dry. Why was he staring at me as he knew me? Like he got me?

None of this made sense. But I found myself leaning forward, closer to what I desired. What I _needed_...

We pulled away when we felt water droplets fall over us. I cursed myself for my bad timing.

Niall's lopsided smile and flushed cheeks made me giggle as we rose and found cover from this crazy turn of events.


	4. Chapter 4

Niall's POV

I'm in _big_ trouble. It's now half past 7 and I was supposed to be home hours ago. I bit my lip before entering the car garage.

The flat I shared with Cherice, who will now have my head, is near the roof. I could take the stairs, make up a story about rushing to get here.

Maybe tell her that I was on call. Yeah, she'll believe that. Or I could just tell the truth. I just saved the life of a girl that's making question my life right now.

Yeah, no fucking way I'm risking everything. The last thing I want my fiancé to do is to worry about me. Everything's perfect and it's going to stay that way.

I made my way up the elevator, taking the long way. I decided to not be out of breath, just didn't feel like it. I could handle this. Whenever Cherice caught me at a later time, she hardly ever questioned where I was, but that didn't mean she'd completely ignore my being gone so long.

"It's the job" I would tell her. And that will suffice for now as a reasonable excuse. That'll explain my hand.

Biting my lip, my floor finally came. I could smell the take out she ordered before turning the key in the lock. It's the thought that counted. One of these days she might cook, I would prefer that.

As I entered our place, I tried making as minimal noise as I can. Too late.

"Ni! That you?! Oh my God! Baby I thought something happened!" She exclaimed, rushing toward me. She looked at my hand. "Oh my god, are you okay?! Babe, what happened for real?"

I kissed her forehead. "Nothing, it's a scratch, had to go into work today after all."

"Oh," She pouted and looked like she was buying it. "Still, I worry about you. You're working way too much, honey. It's Sunday for crying out loud!"

"Duty calls. They needed me, I'm priority on call whenever. Don't worry so much. I'll always come back to you, love."

"Oh, I know," She rolled her eyes, she trusted me way too much. "I've just been thinking constantly though."

"About what?"

She held up her ring finger, the diamond sparkling. "The wedding? I was thinking we plan for at least 2 months, 3 max. I really wanna take my time with this, no rush. Make sure everything is just perfection."

Oh right, yes, I haven't given it that much thought. Are guys normally supposed to?

We took a seat on the couch as we dove into the take out. I gave her part of my attention as she gave me the blow by blow of her plans. She seemed to have everything figured out. Her parents were planning to help us financially, mine could, only if they wanted to. Least there was no pressure there.

Cherice asked me something but I was in my own world I couldn't hear her properly. "What's that, love?"

"I said that takes care of everything aside from one thing."

"What's that?"

"A wedding singer. We need one."

Do we? Can't we just hire a band? I don't remember this being a huge priority. I didn't warm to this idea, but honestly, it's _her_ day.

"Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"We should get someone who is really just, amazing. Like someone who can really sing to us and for us. I really want someone who understands our love. What do you think, babe?"

Doesn't look like I have a say in the matter. Although she did make a point. It couldn't hurt to have someone like that. Could be memorable.

"Sounds lovely, Cher." I said, as she fell into my arms, content we have each other.

"I can't wait, I have so many ideas. My parents are going to help us, of course, live out our dreams. I'm getting married!" She pulled away, a playful look in her eye. "How amazing is that?! We're finally doing it! Oh, I should show you where we're saying "I do," yeah?"

I gave a thin-lipped smile, but I made sure it reached my eyes. "Go on then."

She kissed me and sprung off to the other room. Shaking my head, I let my staring linger, rubbing my eyes, feeling like I need to rest before I'm smacked with the incoming energy I know will wear me out even more.

Alright, let's hold on a second. I really love this woman. I _want_ to get married. I want my life to start. I have _found_ the one I'm spending forever with. This is it, my life should begin from here on. I am over the moon happy.

As Cherice returned with the clipping for the location all I could do was stare at it and nod with a friendly smile. Oh boy, that dizzy feeling came back.

I needed to lay down. I needed a smoke. I needed the sweet nectar of Guinness. I needed a break. Not from Cherice, but everything, _everyone_ needing me.

When she was finished, she looked at me with her gorgeous smile and playful eyes. I am lucky to have her in my life. She only wanted the best for me. She did, she wanted good things for us.

I love Cherice Taylor, soon-to-be, Horan.

So then why do I see...

Claire—her eyes, her lips, her blushing, her vulnerability. I protected her, stayed with her and she didn't ask me for it. Honestly, she didn't need me at all. But I need her...fuck.

I suddenly get up and excuse myself to the bathroom. Yeah, nothing suspicious about my behavior. I can't fool her for long and I can't lie to myself for the next few months.

I'm going to have to forget about Claire, push her as far away from my mind as possible. I can do that, I can completely forget today ever happened.

"Ni, babe, are you OK?" Cherice's sweet voice asked by the door as guilt sucked at me.

I don't know. "Yeah, am great. Be right out."


	5. Chapter 5

Claire's POV

The next morning I woke up and couldn't stop smiling. Clutching my chest, feeling my heart race as I lay in bed.

I didn't know it was possible for me to feel this, about anybody, so quickly too.

Patience, I suppose, but when have I ever let my heart take the wheel? Never. Should I let my heart lead this time? What made it so different from a guy just doing the right thing?

The answer is simply: I don't know. It's just a feeling I have. A lingering one that wouldn't go away.

My heart melted remembering how we parted last night, yes, it had been _that_ late.

_Niall looked at me and I stared back. Our hair drenched from the downpour, we couldn't stop laughing._

_"It rains in the city but not like this," I exclaimed._

_He nodded. "Brought a bit of Ireland with me tonight, suppose."_

_Something about the way he said that made me long for nostalgia._

_"I hope you don't lose your accent." I blurted out, not believing what just came out of my mouth._

_"Why's that?" He amused, raising his brow slightly._

_"Because...I don't wanna forget this day."_

_He gave me a curious stare as a response._

_"Because I wanna remember you, just like this, if we don't see each other again." My eyes expanded, feeling exposed; what the hell was happening to me?_

_He smiled, gently, "I promise. Would you like a ride back? Me car isn't far."_

_So tempting, I truly wanted to say yes but I didn't want to seem needy, in case we did, knowing my luck, ever see each other again, I knew it was time to say goodbye._

_If it's meant to be, we'll meet again. Suddenly the words_ **_fate_ ** _and_ **_chance_ ** _flowed through me. Silly I guess, but real._

_I stared at him, dragging my tongue across my bottom lip, he saw, I blushed under his heated gaze._

_Taking a small step back, I gave a polite smile._

_"I'll be OK, you've done more than anyone has for me. I've got it from here."_

_It hurt me to say those words, I didn't want the day to end, but it had to. I caught his reaction, seemed he felt the same. Why did I feel his protection over me hard to let go?_

_"Goodnight, Niall," I concluded, slowly putting distance between our bodies._

_I turned around beginning to walk away, feeling his eyes on me as he called out._

_"Will I see you again?"_

_Turning around, I smiled knowingly._

_"You will." I kept the smile on my face, tilting my head._

_His expression was one I wanted to bottle. Perplexed coupled with intrigue._

_I resumed walking back to the train station, taking cover as the rain eased enough for me to continue normally._

_I felt my heart crack, but I had to be strong. It's not in my hands, it never was._

Slowly, I sat up as I played with my hair. I did the right thing, didn't I? Who was I to say we'll see each other again? The more I thought of it, the more distant the possibility became.

Because the more you want something, the more you need it, the harder it became to find it. This is the first time I've done anything like this, leave it to chance.

He was a sweet man, but he didn't belong to me. No one did, and so far that has been my fate with love. Waiting and just for the hell of it, more waiting.

I wish I did see him again. I won't forget the expression he wore to the last thing I said. My eyes glass over as I stared off in deep thought.

I can't help but wonder...if I let him take me home, what would have happened?

Instinctively, the tips of my fingers touch my lips. I could only wonder if it never rained, what the kiss would have felt like. Smiling from ear to ear, ugh, I can only imagine everything.

My phone rang, shaking me out of the reverie. I sighed, checking the ID, it was work. They wanted me to come earlier than I was scheduled to. I really hate that job.

I work in a shitty café that was hidden away from the Bay Area. I say shitty because my boss is selfish and everyone I work with bragged about their love lives like people actually gave a shit.

I always pretended to listen, nod, and care because I don't intend to get fired just yet. Not until I get something better. I also despised the way my boss always seemed to ask me to come in early, as if I'm their MVP. I pour coffee and punch a til. Guess I'm doing God's work.

I yawned and got ready for the day. I took a longer shower than usual, my thoughts drifted back to Niall. I blushed as I lathered the soap. I wanted what his hands would feel like over my body. Would they be soft or rough? Or both? Maybe soft but as he read my reaction they would gradually become rough. I wouldn't mind that at all.

When he held me his hands were strong and protective. I didn't want them to let go. Fantasies again. I rolled my eyes and rinsed my hair a final time. I needed to let this go.

Where I worked there was no way I would ever see him again unless I somehow sought him out. I've never stalked a guy before but I've seen girls who did that. Especially the people I work with, ugh, desperate hos need D and A. Dick and attention. That just wasn't me.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a clean towel around my body. I rubbed my face with my hands and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I'm so plain looking. My eyes were too large and scary, like an _Annabelle_ doll. My shoulders were too plump and massive, and my boobs had grown since I gained weight recently. I have the worst looking nails, I barely paint them let alone groom them. And my hair, there's more of it than I can handle.

I'm like Mia Thermopolis from _The Princess Diaries_ but without the royal makeover. Not just because of the money, I just don't want to make the effort to impress anyone, except maybe Niall, I don't know, even if he saw me in a full head of makeup I'd still look like me but in color.

I brushed my hair and did the minimal job of skincare. Just face wash and applied sunscreen. I really like lip gloss, I don't bother with my eyes, so long as I slept enough, they're OK. I'm really pale, can't tan if I tried. I really do look pathetic. Niall would never want me even if he saw me.

I got dressed in my normal clothes, blue jeans and a grey T-shirt, as I grabbed my apron and my name tag. Standard street clothes I'm approved to wear for work.

I have my usual breakfast and get the coffee going. It's unfortunate to live life the same every day, nothing ever changed.

I cleaned up and checked the time. I have a few hours to kill. Normally I'd take this time to write some songs but I'm feeling like I need to go outside to get some air.

My partly curly hair will dry as I walked outside, the breeze hitting my face as I closed my eyes. I loved this weather, so happy to see Fall kill all the heat from Summer.

I straightened my jacket and swung my purse over my shoulder.

I _could_ go downtown but I didn't feel like it. The library just opened near my work, I might step in there. I brought my notebook like I usually do, just in case I have an idea for a line or two.

I took the express train to get there and saw there were barely any people inside. Give it time, school wasn't out yet, it'll fill up soon.

Why do I feel like Niall is close? That's silly, why would he be? It's a Monday and he's an EMT, it made no sense. I shook my head as I made my way to the second level, where the fiction section was.

I wanted to find something I haven't read yet. I went to the new releases and thought I felt the ground shake. I looked around the floor and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Still, I _knew_ I felt something.

I checked over the shelves and nothing looked appealing enough. Is it wrong that I still drown in these beach stories like they'll come true? I knew it was but living in these stories is the closest I'll ever get to having love.

I touched a book that had a country boy on its cover and I turned it over to read the summary.

This reminded me too much of the guys back home. Only the guys back home weren't single, they usually had someone chasing them or they had real girlfriends. I sighed, it's just a story and it's good as it's gonna get.

Begrudgingly, I took the book and found the nearest cubby reading desk, taking a seat. I started reading until I'm halfway through the story. It was starting to get really good until I felt that weird rumbling again.

I took my eyes off the page and looked around as more patrons filled the higher levels. Didn't anyone else feel that? Was it just me? Are people ignoring it purpose?

I shrugged as I hesitated to continue reading further. I stood up and walked to the restroom, washing my hands as I stared at myself in the mirror. Horrible fluorescent lights making my features look like a horror movie. I looked like a zombie and nothing was going to fix it.

I tore my eyes away and dried my hands. Another rumble came and went, low and subtle but obvious. I thought of asking someone near me if they felt it too but didn't wanna bother anyone. It's probably nothing, we barely get earthquakes let alone aftershocks, unlike Southern California.

I made my way back to the desk and resumed reading. There's a part in the story where the protagonist is conflicted about how she feels for a boy she just met. Now I know why I picked this story.

My head shot up when the rumbling became obvious. Tables shook and light fixtures wobbled, I gulped as the rumbling turned into full-on shaking. A fucking earthquake.

I swallowed hard and stood up, dropping the book when I heard screaming. Grabbing my purse, I knew I had to get out of there, but it felt like my feet were stuck to the ground in fear.

Bookcases swayed and I knew they were going to domino over each other. I heard more screaming, my heart raced, this was it, I was going to die. I forced myself to move.

"Help!" I heard near me and turned to the strained voice.

An elderly woman was stuck underneath a bookshelf, I panicked before moving my body, crawling to her, the shaking was now back to rumbling. I checked her out and she looked pretty bad.

Her eyes called to me and I reached in my bag to get my phone, calling 911, alerting them of the situation. My voice was scared and faltering. I couldn't breathe suddenly let alone get the words out clearly.

"Dear, stay with me, please, I don't want to be alone." She spoke through the pain and my heart broke.

"Alright," I clicked off the call and sat with the woman as the rumbling kept lingering. "You're going to be OK, they're coming."

She touched my arm as I noticed my hand was bleeding. I hardly noticed I got hurt.

I wish I could lift this bookcase but I wasn't strong enough. I tried lifting it but I fell down with a thump on the vibrating ground. Who am I kidding? I'm no hero.

She looked at me and I breathed heavily.

"I had to try," I whispered, scared out of my mind.

I heard more screaming and yelling. More people were hurt, I could feel it and I couldn't do anything about it.

A minute past and the rumbling still hadn't stopped. I was beginning to think this is what a slow death felt like. I closed my eyes and prayed for the first time. I don't know who I prayed to, God, someone, life, but I said something in my head.

Then, out of nowhere, the rumbling abruptly stopped. The woman clutched my hand, squeezing it weakly.

I shut my eyes and turned my attention to the woman, she had this light in her eyes that told me everything. She had very important people who would have been devastated if she was gone. I smiled when she gave me one.

"Thank you, dear, oh, we're OK." She said, looking behind me as I gasped.

"Niall."


	6. Chapter 6

Niall's POV

I came into work for an early breakfast. The cafeteria was open thankfully. It normally is, I just rarely step inside.

I couldn't stop thinking about last night...forgetting about Claire was going to take some work. I rubbed the back of my neck as I leaned back in the chair.

Thinking back to what happened, maybe she was scared, but she was smiling. It confused me. Maybe she was interested in seeing me again but I was glad she left and didn't accept my offer to give her a ride back. If I knew where she lived...let's just say I don't want to, I _can't_ know.

I sighed inward, I don't deserve Cherice. I shouldn't be thinking about anyone but the one I love. I'm getting married soon. That's all I need to be thinking about.

It was just after 10 in the morning when I realized within an hour I was about to be called to punch in early, a typical day in my life.

I took a drink of my coffee and checked some headlines on my phone. The world's going to shit, what else is new?

I was watching a random video on youtube when, suddenly, I felt a low rumbling. Subtle but there nevertheless. I wasn't sure if anyone felt it too. Immediately, I stood, threw my trash away, and walked to the sign-in area.

No one seemed to notice but me, or if they did, the completely ignored me.

I asked someone if they felt anything but they shrugged. Guess it was in my head. I have a lot weighing on my shoulders. Maybe I need to officially wake up.

I refilled my coffee and made sure not to add any cream or sugar. Gonna need to drink it straight up if I'm gonna get through the day. It's actually how I sometimes drink it, but I felt like I really needed it today of all days.

Rumbling...there it was again, only a bit stronger this time. I sipped my coffee and narrowed my eyes. I definitely felt something. I checked the time and I had another hour until they ask me to sign in for duties.

The paramedic team signed in much earlier than the EMT, they just had more on their plate. More responsibilities than we did. I envied them, they were more active than we were.

I pursued my lips as I adjusted my radio communicator perched on my shoulder. The waiting around was the worst part of what I do until the tasks come in from 911 dispatchers.

I texted a couple of friends out of boredom, just looking for something to do. I could ask to sign in earlier but I wasn't authorized to. Not many of us were dispatched in the early morning, just the paramedics, pretty sure I said that already. Dear God, I need something to do.

I heard a knock as my colleague asked me if I felt anything just now. I responded with an uncertain expression. I honestly didn't know what the hell was going on.

I searched the main earthquake site and saw there were mild aftershocks, nothing really measuring an emergency. So I wasn't imagining it? Still, this type of thing made me feel on edge.

I gulped another drink and finished the cup, disposing of it in the nearest bin.

I rubbed my eyes, feeling exhausted in general. I literally was contributing nothing to the wedding and yet I feel such pressure suddenly. Why am I still doubting myself? Cherice is my girl. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why am I replaying my last conversation with Claire? Why can't I let her go?

_I glanced at Claire and as she stared back. We were practically drenched from the downpour and we somehow found it all a good craic._

_"It rains in the city but not like this," Claire said with sunshine in her tone._

_I nodded, couldn't help myself. "Brought a bit of Ireland with me tonight, suppose."_

_Her big eyes looked at me curiously, there was so much staring back, she almost reminded me of the girls back home._

_"I hope you don't lose your accent." She blurted out, her already large eyes protruding, surprised at what she said._

_"Why's that?" I amused, raising my brow slightly._

_"Because...I don't wanna forget this day."_

_Oh no, she can't say that. I hate reading into her words but she wore them proudly, like a badge of honor. They were innocent yet they really weren't._

_My curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to respond but she wasn't done talking. She held her gaze with mine._

_"Because I wanna remember you, just like this, if we don't see each other again." She spoke, a bit more intimately than I hoped._

_I could tell she was spilling her heart; she was just grateful for today, that's all, right?_

_I smiled, gently, "I promise. Would you like a ride back? Me car isn't far."_

_Did I actually ask that aloud? I thought I was only thinking it. Since when do I say what I'm thinking?_

_I watched her thinking, she looked slightly uncomfortable, almost sad, then her expression switched to understanding._

_I watched her tongue slide across her bottom lip and almost smirked as she blushed, looking down at her shoes than in my eyes. I couldn't help but be slightly turned on by the gesture. It sent a small tingle down my spin._

_Taking a small step back, she gave me a polite smile._

_"I'll be OK, you've done more than anyone has for me. I've got it from here."_

_Why? Why did she say that? Why was she putting more distance between us? Suddenly, I felt numb, I didn't know how to feel. Like I'd been elbowed in the gut._

_"Goodnight, Niall," She whispered, which made it worse as she slowly put even more space between our bodies._

_I couldn't let this happen. I had to do something, say something. Why do I feel like I was in a fairytale?_

_"Will I see you again?" I called to her, wanting a real answer._

_I thought I lost her completely, until she turned around, wearing a wise smile._

_"You will." She tilted her head, smiling even brighter; blinding the sun._

_My mouth parted and I couldn't believe what I heard. There was hope, the corners of my mouth rose as I watched her disappear completely and out of my life, for now._

_It would be hard to get over this night. I've helped save the lives of many people in the city, but no one has made me feel like this in a while. I can't describe it either._

_I wanted to follow her, at least see that she made it home safely, but I didn't, I couldn't and I knew why._

I pulled out of the memory, a sad smile on my face. What was this girl doing to me? I can't keep my mind stuck on last night, no matter what she said.

Rubbing my face, I leaned back in the chair, nearly drifting off.

I shouldn't shut my eyes, because then I'd sleep. If I sleep Claire's eyes would stare back at me and I didn't want that.

Thankfully, I was interrupted by my supervisor informing me to prepare for my duties shortly. Had a feeling they were gonna tag me earlier today, I was beyond gracious. I needed the distraction badly.

I stood up and went over to sign in as I was told. My supervisor assured me it was authorized and I nodded.

Suddenly, I lost my balance and held the doorway. Oh no, I felt the rumbling turn into fast shaking. My blood pressure began spiking. I can't panic, not now.

The ground shook roughly as my colleagues took cover until we were in the clear. I could feel the magnitude underneath me. Actually felt the Earth rub together as nature got angrier.

Swiftly, I shut the door and got under a small, empty cubby. My claustrophobia hit me between in the eyes, making me sweat profusely. I couldn't see anyone and they couldn't see where I was. My heart raced as I blocked out the sound of the shaking.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I thought of all the people I cared about and panicked even more.

Out of nowhere, it stopped, a few aftershocks gave residual damage to what I heard to be wreckage. Slowly, I eased myself away from the desk, swallowing as I opened my eyes completely.

I survived, it was over. I numbly turned as I heard multiple frantic 911 calls from the switchboard. Forcing myself to remain calm, I had a job to do.

Immediately, I rushed in to make sure everybody was okay, we were, just shaken up, I still made sure everyone was still here.

I froze when I heard a familiar voice stammering over the speakerphone.

"Hello, oh my god. My name is Claire, yes, we're here. Bay Branch Library, please hurry, I'm so scared, please."

 _Claire_...she needed me. Am I hearing her voice everywhere? Is it really her?

I didn't think, my heart moved my body for me as I checked the location before blazing out of there.


	7. Chapter 7

Claire's POV

I shook and couldn't believe my eyes. I also couldn't move, frozen in fear, my heartbeat drummed against my ribcage.

Am I in a movie? Is this a dream? All I know is I couldn't look anywhere else.

Niall rushed to me, kneeling down as I stared at him. I threw myself in his arms, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I closed them before I ruined his uniform with them.

"It's okay, I'm here," he pulled away gently and looked to the woman struggling to pull herself up from the bookcase. "Ma'am, stay still please."

Niall radioed for assistance and I kept staring at him in disbelief. He gave me an assuring smile, speaking to me with his eyes only. I barely know him, what is going on?

Within seconds a crew of EMTs and paramedics surrounded us, rushing to both our aids, paying much more attention to the older woman who had it worse than me.

I covered my mouth with my hand as she was lifted out of the wreckage and placed on a stretcher with precision.

Before they took her away I asked them to take care of her, feeling my tears freely fall down my face. I felt my hand being held, the other hand that wasn't bleeding.

Closing my eyes, I turned around and tried to breathe, but I just couldn't. This wasn't happening, was it? I was supposed to die, I felt it, the earthquake shouldn't have stopped. Was it really my time?

Niall's calm voice was heard in my ear, he was being so gentle and slow with me and I just couldn't look at him.

"I'm sorry...I—I need, I _should_ go to work. I'm running late."

Niall touched my elbow and tried to look at me but I wouldn't let him. "I don't think that's a good idea, personally."

My head shot up and my breathing was sharp. "I have to, I'm gonna be late." My voice broke, but he held my hand tighter.

"It's going to be okay, you're safe now. I'm here, alright? Claire? Can you hear me?" He spoke gingerly.

I didn't know if I was awake or in another world. Niall looked at me, holding my eyes through his compassion. Feeling delirious suddenly, I felt gravity pull my body as Niall's strong arms kept me from falling.

"Let's go slow, okay? Hold onto me, Angel." He said, I barely registered the words.

I didn't have much strength left let alone a true grip on his arms. Somehow we made it down the fire escape and reached the entrance of the library.

I was hit between the eyes with a strong beam from the sun. I touched my face, realizing I forgot my sunglasses and squinted as I felt myself being led further outside.

"Here, please sit down," Niall spoke softly and turned around to see other EMTs coming around the back of a vehicle, helping civilians.

I tried to focus on my breathing, that claustrophobic feeling coming back as I sat down inside the vehicle on the bed Niall helped me on.

My breathing rose as I felt it speed up, my heart following behind my shallow breath.

Niall sat next to me as I stared at him. He was so calm and collected. How can he be so calm while he began working on my hand? I winced when I felt him cleaning off the bloody gash that dripped down my hand.

After he bandaged my hand he sat with me until my breathing gradually became less erratic. My eyes scaled his eyes as he kept looking down at my hand.

"Thank you," I said, making him look at me.

"Are you okay now?" His brow raised.

I gulped, trying to find my mind again.

"I don't know, still processing everything."

Niall placed the back of his hand against my forehead, reaching for something behind him. He pulled out a compress and cracked the inside before placing a cloth over it. He hesitated before lifting it, making sure I was looking at him.

"What is that?" I asked him, my brain scattered.

"Your body heat is rising, just wanted to bring it down before your temperature increases."

"Oh," I paused, looking at him placing the compress on my forehead.

It stung and he eased on pressing too hard, being very gentle with me.

"Are you feeling any dizziness or internal pain?"

"I don't think so...I think, no. I may need to lay down." I groaned.

He licked his lips, "I don't think that's a good idea, Claire. Try to stay awake until your blood pressure neutralizes. It's important. I could give you something to alleviate any pain you have, but you shouldn't go to sleep."

I tried taking in his words but I was feeling so wiped out like I had narcolepsy. Any moment my eyes would close and I would fade away.

It took me a second to realize just how close he was, mere inches near my face. I looked at his mouth, then back in his eyes.

Now I feel awake. I have this sudden urge to do something spontaneous. Watching him administer some kind of pain reliever, he was so careful, because he'd done it many times before.

"Thank you...Niall." I smiled as he finished up checking my blood pressure.

His eyes flickered to mine. "How are you feeling now?"

Honestly? "Better, umm, maybe I should call my work, just to see if they need me."

Niall hesitated before he nodded. I tried to stand with his arm acting as my support. As I stepped out of the vehicle I felt him touch my shoulder.

"I strongly would advise you in calling out today. Best be on the safe side. If you want, I can talk to them if they force you to come back. The easier you take it today, the better you'll feel."

He had a point, but I needed money and I haven't had luck in finding a new job yet. I didn't feel like confessing this to him so I just silently nodded and reached for my phone to make the call.

When I buzzed my work, it turned out the facility was out of order and the electricity had gone out. Needless to say, no one is showing up today. I clicked off and turned around, seeing Niall near me with curious eyes.

"Looks like they were hit too. They're gonna call me once everything is back to normal again." I shrugged, a bit disappointed.

Niall looked relieved, "Oh, well, at least it's for the best. Umm, do you have a way of getting back home?"

Is he asking me if I'd like a ride again?

"I don't live very far, I could practically walk back," I said, blushing slightly.

He smiled, "It's no trouble. I just don't want you getting hurt, even if it's a few blocks."

This guy was too much, but it was all innocent. Besides, he's only offering because that's his job. He didn't care beyond his pay grade. He's paid to keep people safe. Should I take his offer? I don't know, maybe?

I bit my lip, his eyes came to my mouth and I looked away. My nerves were kicking in before I could stop them. I found it hard to swallow.

I cleared my throat about to give him an answer when I heard a noise. Someone behind us was calling to Niall, but Niall ignored it, instead, focusing on me. No, this is wrong. I should go.

"Someone needs you."

He only then turned around briefly before facing me. "They'll understand if I take you home."

"I don't wanna go home," I said, I just wanted to get out of here.

"What do you want?" He persisted.

I stared into his eyes as I heard his name called a second time, much longer and abrupt.

He rolled his eyes and apologized silently.

"I'll be right back, please wait here." He said; I nodded as he turned around and talked with his co-worker.

I had no idea what I was doing but I couldn't leave. Why not? Niall was working, I'm just fine without him. I didn't need his help. I didn't, oh God, he's coming back. Try not to look so wound up.

I smiled politely as he came forward, even closer than he was before. His beautiful eyes glistening in the natural sunlight. I almost got lost in them.

Smiling, looked down before he caught my eyes. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"Huh?"

"Just for a little bit. I spoke with me Supervisor, he said it was fine to make sure you're mobile enough."

"What?" My face scrunched together.

He blushed. "Just wanna make sure you can walk back, anywhere. I'm supposed to either take you home or to the hospital. It's just protocol, but you said you don't wanna go home. Going for a walk would be ideal."

Now I can feel my face slow set on fire. Gosh, I don't want to deny him again. The gesture is so innocent.

"How long?"

"Not more than 20 minutes."

I smiled and stared down, "Okay, I guess. If you get called back—"

"Claire," he leaned close and touched my hand. "It's alright. Let's get some fresh air, the bay coast is pretty lovely today."

He was so close, I couldn't focus. My goosebumps returned, oh no, I couldn't melt, not at this. He just said nice things about the weather, what does that have to do with me?

Nothing, I looked up and nodded.

We began walking in silence for a few blocks leading to the middle of the coastline. I felt the breeze chill my cheeks but I didn't complain. Somehow near Niall, I didn't feel so cold.

I glanced over at him as he pressed his mouth in a thin line. What was bothering him? I wondered. I thought he wanted to go on a walk.

I cleared my throat, "What time do you get off?"

He stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. "What?"

I narrowed my eyes, awkwardly getting it, "From work, I mean?"

He sighed and continued walking, "Oh, yeah, that's a good question, that one. It varies. Depends on how long me supervisor needs me or not."

"Do they normally need you?" I asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, sometimes. Depends on the call. Other times they take from other team members. The paramedics don't sleep, I know that." Niall said, looking longingly off in the distance.

My eyes wandered where he was looking and I sighed. The sun was buried behind the clouds, making it unclear whether it was raining or not. I hope not, I didn't bring an umbrella and I didn't want to go home yet.

"I hope it doesn't rain. I mean, until I go back. I just wanna stay outside longer. I love the bay air. Everything here is so perfect."

I could feel him staring at me, but continued walking in slow strides. After a few long moments, he spoke again.

"It's pretty lovely, a big reason why I came here."

"What's the other reason?" I asked, looking at him stare down at his shoes.

"Dunno, a better life. Figure it out. I've always heard great things about this place. I got lucky when I transferred my Uni credits to UCSF. Didn't think I'd get accepted. They had an amazing Creative Writing Program. But I minored only, splitting me time between trade school." He spoke of it as of being an EMT was an obligation, I don't blame him, he wanted to be an artist but not a broke one.

"Interesting. Would you want to go back to writing?"

Niall's face tensed. "I don't know, I never really thought about getting back into writing."

My heart broke for him. He obviously chose the safe way to live, he worked hard to get where he is, no doubt, but I could sense him wanting more out of his life.

I don't know him that well, it's just a feeling I have. He had this longing look in his shimmering cobalt blue eyes and I just wanted to comfort him, but I kept still.

"Sorry, I didn't mean—"

He interrupted me. "Why are you sorry?"

I shrugged, maybe things were getting too personal. Niall's body language was distant, it confirmed my suspicions.

"I wasn't trying to pry, I don't really know you."

Something flashed in Niall's eyes that were unreadable, his expression softened as he held my eyes with his.

"It's okay. I don't really chat about this with anyone. I'm not bothered by your curiosity."

Now I know I've upset him. He made eye contact with me though, maybe not.

"How are you feeling? Little better?"

I nodded, "Yeah, whatever you gave me, it worked. You're really good at distracting me." I paused, turning my face as I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks.

I just realized it's his job to do that and cringed, hiding my face. "What I mean is...thank you."

He chuckled as he nodded. "Glad I could help. If I didn't come early, I may not have arrived in time."

 ** _Fate_**...no that's crazy. Niall just happened to be there, it's not like he knew I was here. No way, I couldn't believe that.

I sighed and stopped walking as we reached the far end of the pathway. Had we gone all the way here without noticing? That was weird. I feel like I want to continue talking to him.

We turned around, walking back in silence. I stole some looks at him as he averted his eyes from mine. Was something wrong? I realized he had to return to work but I couldn't help but wonder why he was being so quiet.

"Do you ever go home? Back to Ireland?"

Niall took a long moment to respond to me, "Every year I see me family for Christmas. What about you?"

"I see my Dad. He's pretty much all I have back home."

I hope he doesn't ask about my mother. I breathed in when he didn't bring her up, I wouldn't know what to say about the situation.

The breeze blew in my hair as I shivered. I hope he didn't catch that. He seemed to be thinking of something, I wish I knew what.

"I'm sorry..." he began. "I'm sorry I'm not talkative."

I shrugged, our time is coming to an end anyway. "It's alright. Think you have to go back anyway. I'll be alright. I took up way too much of your time."

"You didn't take it, Claire, I gave it to you," he said, I stopped walking and stared at him.

I couldn't speak, suddenly words were superfluous. My mouth went dry, I parted my lips but no sound came out. What do I say to that?

I just smiled nervously, being around him was intimidating me more than I admit. "Umm, we're almost back. How are you going to get back to work?"

"I have my ways." He shrugged. "The guys come back to pick us up on the way to other crises. The day gets busy pretty quickly around noon."

He made it sound so easy, like what he was doing right now wouldn't get him in trouble.

"I see," I said, pausing to bite my lip.

"We could still take you home. It's no trouble at all. We do it all the time. Do you want to go home?"

Suddenly being home alone scared me to death.

"No, I don't, not yet. But thank you, for... _everything_. You've been amazing. I can't thank you enough." I said a lot breathier than I wanted.

Niall nodded silently, still looking away as we walked near the library. I shivered as I knew it was time to leave, but I didn't want to.

Niall called his ride before clicking off. If I didn't know any better, he looked sad too, he kept looking down, avoiding me standing next to him.

I cleared my throat. "Are they coming?"

Then his eyes met mine, dear God. "They should be here, yeah. We have another situation to handle, probably gonna be another long day."

I nodded, tucking my hair away from my face. "I hope you'll be okay."

"I usually am, it's part of the job." He said, smiling professionally, it didn't reach his eyes.

I knew any second his ride would arrive and I grew nervous. I didn't want him to go, it wasn't right. But I couldn't ask him to just stay. How crazy am I?

"Crazy day, isn't it?" I asked him, filling in the weird silence.

He nodded, an amused smile on his face. "Yeah, I'd say so."

I lunged my body forward spontaneously and pressed my lips on his cheek, wondering what came over me, lingering to whisper something in his ear.

"If I don't see you again...thank you." I pulled back slowly, holding his gaze.

I knew I had to leave, he just stared at me, unmoving, a small smile on his face as I turned to walk away.

"You will..." I heard him say but kept walking, my blushed cheeks coming back before I could stop them.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Niall's POV

I tried to go on with my day. We had many emergencies to tend to and I tried not to let Claire's existence imprint on my mind.

I managed to get through the day, aside from the earlier disaster, life in San Francisco had gone on. It was over, I can finally wind down.

Only, I can't. As I drove home, I was plagued with muddled thoughts. I hated this. I truly despised doubting myself so much. I didn't need to, I had everything I need to be happy.

My phone buzzed and I checked the ID. Pausing, I answered, maybe to get me mind off certain thoughts. It's got to be at least half past 2am there.

"Hey Dad, how's Mum, then?"

"Oh, you know, she's well enough. Just calling to see how ya are? Ya alright over there, boy?"

I assumed he was referring to the earthquake this morning. Me father watched everything, stayed up to date on the current events of the states, especially in San Francisco. They worry about me so much, it's understandable.

"Good, yeah. Had a little rumble earlier, but we're all doing alright." I said, a small amount of fear escaped my tone, was hoping he wouldn't worry.

"Heard. Good to know ya were safe. Mum and I miss you. We should WhatsApp soon. Maura insists."

"Of course. I love you guys very much. How's da weather there?" I genuinely wanted to know for some reason.

"Good, rained all weekend, a far cry from sunny California."

"Yeah, I bet."

"Alright then, love ya and leave ya, boy. Have a goodnight," Bobby Horan said, I hesitated before saying goodbye on my end before clicking off to end the call.

I threw my phone down and checked the streets of my neighborhood, erasing the frown off my face. Speaking to me father always gave me a bittersweet feeling. It made me long to be home despite having so much privilege here. There were times I got homesick, but they were rare. My life was too scheduled for me to really stop and analyze it, so I just never did it. Until now...

Claire made me think of Christmas morning and I don't know why. When she kissed me cheek I felt a tenderness that was absent in my fiancée. If I'm being completely honest, Cher and I were really easy together, almost _too_ easy.

What I mean is she took most of the lead and I went along with everything because I just wanted her to be happy, and she was, _all_ the time. Sometimes what I wanted didn't matter.

I sighed and turned the corner, pulling into the parking garage. I took my time parking and got out slowly. I have this sudden urge to sleep in my car but refused. I don't have that luxury.

I made sure to turn off my phone for most of the day. When I turned it back on, it loaded with numerous text messages and missed calls. Most of them coming from Cherice. Fan-bloody-tastic.

I closed my eyes, taking the elevator up, mentally preparing for the verbal reprimanding I'm about to receive. I just wanted to step inside, eat some takeout or a homemade meal—never mind, shower, change into comfortable clothes and slide into the soft covers without any drama thrown my way. But this is reality and we don't always get what we want.

When I arrived I peeled my limp body off the wall of the lift. Shaking my head, I hesitated before placing the key in the lock, turning it as I winced.

"Oh my god, baby!" Cher flung herself in my tired arms as I held her back. "Please tell me if you're okay? I'm losing my mind here."

I bit my lip as I pulled her body back so I was facing her. "I'm alright, I was safe. Everything is alright."

She pulled me in for another hug and my discomfort shot out immensely. She was practically crushing my spin, was she always an aggressive hugger?

My mind and body were exhausted and this smothering irritated me. I calmly pulled out of her arms as I excused myself to get something to eat.

I felt Cher's eyes on me, that judgmental look she gave me whenever she wasn't getting her way. I was just too stressed, hungry, and fucking tired to deal with her antics.

I popped open a beer and got out some leftovers, heating them up in the microwave. I ignored her and I was well aware of it, something inside me felt liberated. Like I conquered something.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Cher asked behind me in that baby voice that made my skin crawl.

"I'm good, just hungry. It's been a long day." I wasn't lying, I just didn't want to justify myself to anyone.

"But baby, I was worried sick something awful happened to you. We should share more. We're getting married, we shouldn't stop talking to each other." She said, bless her for caring, I guess.

There she goes, making things about her. It occurred to me that we rarely fought, as long as I kept my mouth shut. Why can't I just be left alone?

I sipped my beer and brought the hot food over to the coffee table. As I ate in relative silence Cherice came over to sit next to me, folding her arms in her lap.

I stuffed my mouth full on purpose. I just didn't want to talk, she'll take the hint, right? I chewed and swallowed before shoveling more food in my mouth. Not going make it easy on her.

Apparently no hint was taken. I felt Cherice touch my knee and I flinched.

She saw, oh no, now I'm gonna have to explain myself. Do I really need to?

"Niall, what's wrong?" She pouted, her full top lip curving inward.

Lips—Claire's lips...soft, delicate, compassionate. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I stood up from my mini mind meltdown, yeah, that's what it was. I was short-circuiting mentally, shutting down all rational thought. My heart thumping against my chest meant nothing. I'm getting married, that's all that mattered.

I threw my food in the bin, suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of eating anymore. Cherice touched my back gently as I closed my eyes. What am I doing?

"Talk to me, baby? Did something happen?" Her small voice asked.

I leaned against the counter, wondering why my thoughts weren't just coming out with it. Don't I trust Cherice? I do, that's why I'm marrying her.

"Everything is alright, love. No worries needed. Had a rough day, nothing a shower and a good night's sleep won't fix." I said, pressing my lips over hers.

It took her a moment to register what I was doing, when she kissed me back, I began to pull away before we got carried away. I really did need a breather.

"Gonna get cleaned up," I smirked, masking any previous thoughts I had about today.

I kissed her forehead briefly and excused myself to take a shower. As I stepped inside I made sure to turn the water to a near cold temperature.

I was hot and I needed my body heat to drop down. My hand trailed down my stomach and made contact with my cock, feeling the veins around the shaft pulsating. I gave a slow pump to alleviate my tension.

Closing my eyes, I imagined a soft hand—Claire's, coming down, replacing mine. Pumping rhythmical as I groaned softly. She would be on her knees in the shower, looking up from those big eyes blue of hers. I'd hear her moan as she took me in her mouth slowly, placing butterfly kisses on my tip, teasing me.

Then, she would take me in fully, my cock filling her mouth, nearly gagging her from my surprising girth. She'd suck me slow, painfully slow, working up to speeding her pace, pulling me in her mouth, gagging slightly as I inadvertently thrust in her mouth, making her take all of me. Her warm mouth made my cock twitch, I was close, she felt it.

I shouted, cursing as I released in her mouth, barely watching her swallow everything I gave her.

When I looked down, I was alone, the warm water of the shower was getting freezing cold now. My body heat rose if possible. Gulping, I grabbed the soap and washed quickly in the cold water. My eyes popped open, I realized I was fucked. I hoped Cherice didn't hear anything.

I switched off the water, still trying to catch my breath. I could only fantasize about Claire now, this was beyond wrong. I wrapped a soft, clean towel around my bottom half. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Bags under my bugged eyes, they looked a darker blue, a color I wore with stress. How could anyone want to marry me? I'm never at home and when I am, I get exhausted. What does Claire—I mean, Cherice, that's who meant. What does she see in me?

I'll never know. Maybe it was something to do with what Claire asked me today, about home, writing. I confessed something to a complete stranger that I never told to my fianceé.

My desire to write again...I'm not ready to open that box probably for a long time. Damn Claire, damn her for igniting these old and tattered feelings I've long since buried.

I brushed my teeth, rinsed my face, and opened the door to get some clothes from the closet to sleep in. I knew Cherice was already in bed, waiting for me, but that was the last thing I thought about.

I just want a peaceful night; was it so much to ask? No matter who it was, they just gave me confusing thoughts.

I sighed heavily as I felt two small arms wrap around my clothed waist. I sunk down, knowing I was going to lose this one. Cherice only wanted everything to be okay, what was so wrong about that?

I touched her hands and turned around, facing her. Trying to remember why I fell in love with her. Looking in her eyes, I kept in mind all the good times we spent together, all the moments we had this past year, I wanted to remember, I had to.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her in my arms, holding her like I meant it. This is where I belonged, with Cherice, now and forever. Everything was just perfect.

Now, if only I can believe that, it truly will be.


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

Claire's POV

The past couple of days I have been _really_ happy. I don't know why but I feel my spirit inside lifting; like I can do anything, _be_ anything, _have_ anything. The last person who made me feel that way is my dad.

I had a slow start this morning, no disasters so far; unless I walked outside. Seemed like they were a pattern the last couple of days. I can't help but think something weird is going on. Did Niall sense it too?

 _Niall_...what am I going to do with that guy? It's been 2 days, only _2 days_ ago since he saved my life. I should do something for him. Maybe I won't see him again, but if I will, I'll give him something really special. I just don't know what...

My cell phone rang, pulling me away temporarily. I slid the lock and smiled.

"Hey Dad, how are you?" I asked.

"Good, how are you doing? Are you okay with what happened yesterday?" He asked me, I knew what he was referring to.

"Yes, I'm fine. I was at the library actually. Nothing more than aftershocks." I lied, it was easier to lie than make him worry, which he does a lot.

"I took a look online and it was a little harsher than aftershocks, honey." He said, he worried way too much for me, I don't know what I'd do without him.

"Okay, well, I'm safe. The important thing is it didn't last long. I'm perfectly safe, Dad."

"I just can't help it, you're so far away. I'm used to protecting you when you need me. You know I worry about you."

"I'm fine, really," I said, immediately thinking of Niall being there for me, smiling into the phone.

"Okay then, how are you otherwise? You working on getting your name out there?"

I half rolled my eyes, I barely paid attention to music these days. "Oh yeah, everyone's trying to get famous on YouTube and I'm more interested in performing live. I could always record gigs and upload them." If I had any gigs, to begin with.

"You know it's not a bad idea to put your name out there organically? For events and such, you know what I mean?"

"Sort of, you mean coffee houses? I could try—"

"No, I meant gatherings, like birthday parties, weddings, even funerals, actually. You never know who I'd going to be there listening."

Okay, parties? That's rare, but not impossible. Coffee houses? Probably more up my alley. Funerals? I can't sing while crying, it's not my thing. Also, too depressing. Weddings? Maybe my last resort if I was desperate for the money. I can't imagine ever doing that.

"Sounds cool, I'll think about it," I said, checking the time. "Hey Dad, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?"

"Alright, update me on anything as soon as you have something. Oh and I wired you something for this month."

"What? Dad, come on. I'm fine, I told you—"

"I know sweetheart and you're working really hard. Just don't want your credit messed up between jobs. Hope you find one soon. Take care of yourself, sweetie."

I grumbled before losing this battle so I accepted what he gave me. I said goodbye and hung up, charging my battery.

I stood up and went over to my laptop. I've been working on this song I've been writing for the past 2 days. I don't know if it's any good but I couldn't stop writing it. The melody was so simple and the lyrics were bittersweet.

I grabbed my acoustic guitar beside me and strummed the familiar notes. The words fell from my lips, I didn't think, I was just feeling them.

_The room is empty_   
_And the lights are dim_   
_And my heart wonders_   
_If I'll ever see you again_

_My tears are hungry, for an open door_   
_When your arms held me, I never felt that way before_

_And I'll be waiting_   
_I'll be watching under a blue moon_

That was all I had, most of my songs were unfinished. My thoughts drifted to Niall. I'm a little sheepish to admit, even here alone, a piece of me longed to see him again. I couldn't help it, I wanted to be near him, close to him.

I looked out my window and realized the sun was setting, I hadn't eaten lunch due to looking for a new job all morning, barely getting by on the toast and cheese I nibbled on.

My stomach grumbled, some Chinese would sound perfect now. Downtown San Francisco here I come!

I closed the window to block out the strong breeze that would no doubt freeze up the whole apartment and I can't afford to use the heater right now. Least not now until my next paycheck came in. Dad really helped with the money, I'll pay him back one day.

I took one last look around before I took my purse and left, locking the door behind. I tied my scarf around my neck, preparing to be hit with the frosted wind that was billowing all day.

I wish I was a little warmer but I brought my warmest coat, guess I needed my gloves to completely be warm. I took the train to downtown, getting off at the expressway. There weren't a lot of people around, making it colder than it was.

The Chinese takeout place was near the front of the shopping center as I waited in the queue line for ordering out.

This place was always popular. It was the perfect weather for hot soup and chow mein. I blew on my raw fingers before they were frozen up. I forgot my beanie hat but I had my hood to cover my wild hair from blowing everywhere, attempting to tame the jungle up top.

I clutched my purse as I moved up the line, I was up next. I already knew what I wanted so I didn't need to glance over at the menu. The workers were good with the wait time. After a few minutes, I began my order.

Everything was going fine until...

"Ma'am, this card is declined. Do you have another form of payment?"

I did a double-take, I was sure I had funds in the checking account. My brows furrowed.

"Can you try it again, please?" I persisted.

The worker swiped my card as I tended. He shrugged, handing the card back to me.

"The card is no good. Do you have another one? We take cash too."

This was so embarrassing. I didn't even want to turn around, I knew several eyes were on me, and that just made me feel even more anxious. Biting my lip, I checked my wallet for any stray cash, at least the exact change. Nothing, my heart sped up, the cold shiver of embarrassment appeared.

"I'm sorry, can you please hold my order so I can run back and get some cash?" I pleaded.

"We don't do that, apologies." He said, looking slightly annoyed and done with me.

I sighed as my stomach grumbled louder when I moved over as the next customer began their order, giving me a dirty look for taking a while.

This night was not going well. I tried not to cry as I left the kiosk and huddled my shoulders.

Great, I was cold and starving. _This_ is why I left home? Actually, it isn't, I thought Dad's transfer come through today? It must have been more funds than I thought, which would mean it would take days to fully transfer. I gulped, I was truly lame as fuck. How was I supposed to be independent if I relied on my parents to always pay for me?

I can't even afford a meal under $15, that's a new level of a loser. Scoffing, I found myself walking away, almost falling over at the sound of my name called.

I winced, just perfect.

"Claire, wait up!" Niall called out, jogging over to me.

I crossed my hands over my chest in frustration, mainly because I was cold. My teeth clattered as I felt the strong wind blowing pieces of my hair in my eyes. I fixed my hood on, hoping he wouldn't see me. Too late, I was fucked.

"It's not me." I denied it. "No..."

He frowned, his beautiful features were sad and confused. We knew each other, but I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Are you alright?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting back tears. I just wanted to break down and cling to him selfishly. But my arms stayed locked around my body, pride keeping them there.

"I'm fine, just going home," I said, holding his eyes in mine. "What are you doing here?"

"Felt like Chinese tonight. Hey, I overheard them trying out your card. Good news." He said, he smiled brightly.

"What?"

"It worked! They said it was gonna be a 10-minute wait. Isn't that great?"

Something about the way he said that maybe me think he was lying. They tried my card 3 times, how did it work after all that? What kind of machine is that?

My eyes widened as Niall continued smiling, I couldn't have been _that_ lucky. Something was up and he had something to do with it.

My cheeks were slightly warmed by the blush that crept on. Niall's ecstatic expression was making it hard to keep a straight face. The cracks in my walls were appearing. Is it possible I could be _that_ fortunate?

"There's that smile." He said softly.

I couldn't help but submit to the sound of his voice. He seemed to show up at the worst times but somehow make it better.

"Here, come on, we can wait near the heaters until it's ready." He offered his hand to me.

I smiled shyly and took it in mine silently, Jesus, it was so comforting. Warm and soft, like a plump marshmallow. I felt so safe around him and that scared me. There's a lot I don't know about him. More than I've been curious to know.

We took a seat on the bench near the heaters and I shook at how amazing it felt to be warm. I closed my eyes, then opened them up as I felt Niall staring at me.

"So my card worked on the fourth try?" I prodded, I was going to get to the bottom of this.

He shrugged and leaned back, placing his arms on the back of his head. "Yeah, just gotta give it a good swipe to run it through."

I burst out into laughter, holding his eyes before raising my eyebrows. "Yeah, if I knew that I would have stuck around and tried it."

Niall closed one eye and glared at me sarcastically. "Fair enough, don't shoot the messenger."

I glanced down smiling, feeling my body warming up even more. I unwound my scarf from my neck and let it loosely hang down. Sighing, I couldn't believe he's here.

My eyes trailed to meet his, I had a feeling he was staring at me the entire time. Why would I think that? Biting my lip, I watched as he stared at my mouth then back in my eyes.

Niall broke contact and looked away. "Sorry..."

I shrugged, wondering why he was feeling uncomfortable. "It's okay, I know I look weird in this hood."

"What?" He asked, a little too abrupt.

"It's pretty windy out here. I didn't want my hair to blow away." I self-mocked and took my hood down, still feeling warm from the heaters.

Niall looked nervous, his body language twitched and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh yeah, feeling cold these days. I don't mind it." He turned to me. "Are you warmer?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah, well, until I walk back I guess."

He licked his lips. "Would you like to—"

We were interrupted by the worker carrying two bags of hot Chinese food. He smiled at both of us and handed us our orders. I noticed he gave Niall both receipts. That was odd. Isn't my order supposed to be handed to me, receipt included?

Unless...I rolled my eyes. He did not, did he? He did, just great.

"Niall, can I have my receipt, please?" I held my hand out.

The worker thanked us and left as Niall froze before he checked out his food.

"Niall?"

"Yeah?" He shuffled the items in the bag and raised his eyebrows.

"May I have my receipt?" I repeated, again, testing him.

"Why do you need that?" He asked slowly.

I flinched. "Because I need it for my records. Give it to me, please."

"Fair enough," his jaw tensed as he bit the inside of his cheek. "It doesn't really matter, ya know?"

"To me, it does." I placed my hand in front of his face, purposely invading his space.

"Claire, it's no trouble really." He sighed, I wasn't going to give up and he knew it.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the correct one. I took it and checked the last four numbers of the credit card. Just as I thought, they weren't mine.

I looked at him in confusion then the bag, realizing this was wrong. "I can't accept this, Niall. I didn't ask you to do this for me."

He shrugged. "Sorry, I just wanted to help. I felt awful watching you before. Couldn't help meself."

My breathing sped up, I wasn't pissed or mad at him. I was more upset and angry with myself for not making sure I had the money with me. This wouldn't have happened, Niall wouldn't have taken pity on me. The dread I felt inside wouldn't resurface.

"I didn't ask you to...this is so humiliating. Here I was thinking—"

"What? What were you thinking?" He whispered.

The tender look in his eyes made me break, finding it hard to lie to him.

"You keep saving me, every time I see you, it's like, you save from something. And now...you're saving me again. It's overwhelming. I—"

Niall just looked at me, he wanted to say something and here I was lashing out at him for offering to help. He just wanted to help, that's all, no agenda. I was wrong too.

"I'm sorry, this is very nice of you. It's just—right now, how am I going to pay you back?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Who said you had to pay me back?"

I gave a sad smile. "You didn't need to, I wish I could give you something back."

He smiled, his cheeks turning a slight pink. "It's not needed, I wanted to do it. Actually..."

He trailed off on purpose with a smirk. I was wondering what he was going to ask.

"What?" I asked, should I be scared?

"I know I've asked you before but I wouldn't right if I let you walk back alone. Did you drive here?"

I gulped. "No."

"I don't want you walking back. Will you accept me driving you home?"

If I denied him a third time then I'll be the asshole in this, especially after what he did for me. This was tough. I didn't want to freeze, he had me there. And it was getting late, I sort of have no choice.

Gripping the bag, I moved to stand up, he joined me. "Alright, fine, it's my favor to you, even though you're still doing me a favor."

"Without your approval, there is no favor either way." He argued, that smirk coming back.

I smiled, laughing. "Alright then, let's go."

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I steadied the bag in my strong hand, getting a grip on it, and held my purse in my other.

Niall nodded and we walked silently to his car.

I didn't want it to be silent but the walk wasn't that long, he was parked near the docking sign, right in front.

My lips parted as I stared at his car. Good Lord, it was shiny. It looked brand new, or he just really took good care of it. Most guys don't bother.

He opened the door for me and offered to put my order in the backseat to give me more legroom. I smiled, grateful for the kind gesture. "Thank you."

Was I getting nervous? Niall had that effect on me. Why? Why can't I just remain calm for the rest of the ride? Why does every thought I have of him remind me of high school?

As we got in he turned on the ignition. I gave him the cross streets. I didn't want to supply my actual address. He didn't have to walk me to my door, this is definitely not a date. He was just being nice.

As he turned around and made his way back on the street I couldn't help but stare at him. I know he wasn't mine, I get that, but I couldn't help but be fascinated by him. I don't know why, he just happened to be there at my worst moments, saving me.

I tore my eyes away and looked out the window. I could feel the heater on my face and closed my eyes. If I could drift off I would. I didn't want to leave this time. I just wanted to be near him.

Something played faintly on the radio and I smiled as I hummed along.

_It's not the pale moon that excites me_   
_That thrills and delights me, oh no_   
_It's just the nearness of you_

_It isn't your sweet conversation_   
_That brings this sensation, oh no_   
_It's just the nearness of you_

_When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me_   
_All my wildest dreams came true_

_I need no soft lights to enchant me_   
_If you'll only grant me the right_   
_To hold you ever so tight_   
_And to feel in the night the nearness of you_

I hadn't realized I was full-on singing the song aloud until I heard Niall shift beside me. I turned around as he looked at me.

"You have a lovely voice, wow." He smiled sweetly.

I blushed, playing with my fingers. Two cringe moments in one night. I'm on a roll.

"Thank you, it's nothing. Just messing around."

I hadn't realized he parked to the curb of the cross streets I instructed him to. He reached over and moved some hair away from my face. His hand lingering for a moment before his eyes slowly glanced at my forehead.

"You heal pretty quickly." He commented on the cut on my forehead, the one from two days ago. "Doesn't look like a scar."

My heart raced and I couldn't hide it from him, he definitely heard it, then I heard him breathing in the same rhythm as my heart.

"Yeah, I guess I got lucky," I said in a breathy voice.

He nodded, pulling his hand back sheepishly. "And your hand?"

He pointed to my bandage.

"It's fine. Won't need it soon."

Niall's eyes met mine, his look was intense, like he wanted to say something but could only say it through his eyes.

It was me that broke the contact, regrettably.

"I should go, umm, well, thank you for the food and the ride," I said, finding it difficult to look at him, unbuckling.

Niall cleared his throat. "Umm, let me help you with the bag."

Before I could answer he unbuckled and opened the door to jog over to the backseat, opening the door. He picked up the bag and shut the door.

I watched him open the passenger side and stared at the bag, then him.

"Thanks," I said after he handed me my bag and stood up as I got out.

I placed it down to fix my hood back on, the wind picked up and I didn't want my hair blowing in my eyes. How embarrassing would that be?

There was a beat before he began speaking.

"Let me walk you back." He said, more blurted.

I winced, picking up my bag. "It's not necessary, really. I'll be okay."

I was hoping that would convince him but he seemed unmoved by my suggestion.

"Are you sure? It's bloody cold out here."

It was, but I've had enough excitement for tonight. He had better things to do than constantly save me like I'm some damsel in distress.

"Yeah...I'm sure." I said, a little more harshly than I intended.

Niall got the message but I felt bad, I didn't want to leave pissed off, which I'm not, I'm not even close. I'm just tired.

"Alright, follow me," I said, granting him permission to walk me home.

What was I doing? _It's innocent, calm down Claire, he's just being nice._

It wasn't a long walk, Niall parked 5 minutes from the cross streets, I made sure that it wouldn't be long. It was cold, after all.

We stopped in front of the stoop as awkwardness set in. I didn't want him to go, I wanted to ask him to stay and come up with me so we can eat dinner together. I truly didn't know how to ask him.

I looked at him as he shifted on the balls of his feet, something was on his mind. I wanted to ask but I realized that would be inappropriate.

"Well, have a great night. I appreciate this," Lifting up the bag, "very much."

I made a move to leave, not nothing to look him in the eyes or kissing his cheek when he spoke.

"Wait..." His voice came out rough.

I turned around but didn't take another step, he did it for me, closing the distance between our bodies.

"Something wrong?" My nervousness present.

Niall seemed to look at me with pain in his eyes, I didn't know why. Seeing me had upset him?

He leaned closer to my face, moving to push my hood down. I'd be cold if his hot breath didn't warm my ear.

"Goodnight, Angel." He whispered, pulling away to press his lips against my cheek, I closed my eyes feeling the very spot warm up.

By the time I opened my eyes, he was leaving. I watched him turn the corner, walking back to his car.

Touching my face, which was practically burning from his kiss, I couldn't move. I inhaled a shaky breath, wanting to throw this bag down and run after him, respond in some way.

I forced myself to turn around and walk to my apartment. The chill I felt when I walked inside briefly cooled down the heat that radiated from my body.

I placed my bag down, taking off my scarf and coat. Absentmindedly, I began stripping off my clothing until I was completely nude.

In the dark I walked to the shower, turning it to the warmest temperature I can handle. After stepping inside, I let the water cuddle my body to keep the warmth Niall placed there.

I closed my eyes, imagining him here with me, slowly stripping off his own clothing, stepping into the shower behind me so I feel him pressed behind my back.

His hands moved to my breasts, caressing them, feeling him holding them in my place as he planted small kisses on my neck as I moaned for him to give me more.

His hands would travel down my from chest to my navel, reaching to the one place I wanted him to touch me.

Slowly, he would slip his fingers inside me, whispering how tight I was around his thick digits. His fingers curled inside me making me moan uncontrollably.

I turned my head and captured his lips on my own, passionately kissing him with everything I had. All my love, insecurities, innocence coming through my lips. I moaned loudly as I came on his fingers as I opened my eyes.

I caught my breath, the pain began to hit my heart when I realized this wasn't real, he wasn't mine, and I didn't belong to him. I never will.

I can't fall for him, no, my mind took back the wheel, I can't use my heart when I know he'll never have it.


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

Niall's POV

Christ on a cross, I can't keep doing this to myself. She's my addiction: Claire. I don't even know her last name. I hardly know her, I need help.

I shouldn't have kissed her. Albeit an innocent peck on the cheek, but the feeling behind it was anything but friendly. I fucking lingered, friendly kisses _don't_ linger.

After I turned away, without another word, knowing that she still had her eyes closed, I don't know how to feel anymore about my... _situation_ with Cherice.

Has it really come to that? I'm referring to my exclusive relationship, potential marriage, as a situation?

At this point, I just don't want to go home anymore. I don't deserve anyone, not even Claire. I banged on the wheel in anger and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What the fuck am I doing? I should tell Cher everything. It's the right thing to do. She won't hate me if I'm honest. My family would want that. If she loves me, she'll understand. Who am I kidding? If I keep seeing Claire..."

But that's the problem, I don't _see_ Claire, she just happens to be there, every time.

What is the universe telling me? Do they not want me to be happy? Because I am, very much so happy with Cher. I love her, I need her, I'm going to marry her. We'll have a family and grow old together.

I winced as I heard my phone ringing. Debating whether to answer it or not. I picked it up and slid the lock despite my misgivings.

"Mum, hello, how are you then?" I asked her, feeling bad that I thought about ignoring her.

"Very well poppet. Needed to hear your voice again. I miss you, love."

"I miss you too. Gonna see you and Dad for Christmas. How's things? What's the story?" I could feel my voice getting more Irish just talking to her.

"Just finished setting up the new garden we've been planting. Looks so lovely, Niall, oh, you see it, I'll snap a good picture and it send to ya."

Hearing her so happy over simple things lifted my spirit. At least my family is well off and not miserably frustrated like me. I wish I could get to that place where I don't have to worry about anything.

"Sounds lovely. Mum, can I ask ya something?" I asked.

"You know you can, poppet."

I bit my lip, a nervous feeling hitting me between the eyes. I knew she wouldn't judge me but I didn't want to disappoint her, she's still my mother.

"I've been thinking a lot about this wedding. I know, I know, it's happening, but I didn't realize how fast everything is happening. I mean, am I doing the right thing? Honestly, tell me, am I moving too fast?" I said, Claire's big eyes popped up and I rubbed my eyes, not now.

There was a small silence before she answered.

"What does your heart tell you, sweets?"

I rubbed my face, sighing heavily. "I don't know, haven't asked it. I'm a bit scared to."

Mum was silent, that normally meant she didn't have the answer either.

"I see...have you any reason for your doubts?"

Yes. "I don't know, I mean, yes, I think so. I just feel overwhelmed by everything. Am I going mad?"

"No, you're not. You're my baby, you feel and care so much for everyone. You need to calm your mind, take a breath and when you're ready, ask yourself how you really feel. Mind how everyone else feels, but _you_."

But that's the problem, what I feel is irrelevant. I don't want anyone to get hurt.

I nodded, sticking my tongue in my cheek. "Thanks, Mum. I'll think about it."

"Niall, can I say something else?"

"Of course."

"I mean it when I say you care about everyone else's happiness more than you care for your own. You always have, and that's why you're so amazing. But you have to remember your happiness is just as important as the ones you care about, even more. Do you understand me?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, hearing her say this was foreign. Mum always talked like I deserved better, everyone did. But it's not about that. My life belonged to many people. I can't just suddenly choose to do whatever I want and fuck all to the consequences.

Sighing, I get it, I know what she meant, but that's not the world I lived in. It's not that easy.

"Yeah, I understand ya. I love you, Mum. Wish I was there to hug ya. Need to keep working until then. Be home soon. Dad alright?"

"He's fine, love. Spoke to ya yesterday. Been worried about ya because of the earthquake. Me heart stopped. Wanted to hop the next flight just to make sure you were okay. You are, yes?"

"Am fine, we had a busy day. Quite traumatic, for the people here, not me. Glad I got there in time." I refrained from mentioning Claire even though I just did indirectly.

"Oh heavens, you still gave us a freight, ya did. Part of me wishes I could find a place to be near ya. How's Cherice, love?"

My body tense on hearing her name, "Fine, we're doing good."

Mum can tell whenever I was lying, she could hear it in my voice. I get that from her, was hoping she would accept my answer.

"Babe, you alright? Talk to me, love."

I shut my eyes, rubbing my face, "No, all is well. Maybe I just need some sleep. I'll call ya tomorrow before I clock in. I love ya, Mum."

My tone seemed more believable but Mum always saw through it. But I was an adult, she never lectured or forced me to talk when I wasn't ready. She didn't buy it, I knew from her long silence and heavy sighing.

"Niall, I love you. Talk when you're ready. Goodnight, my love."

"Night Mum." I hesitated before clicking off, staring at my phone.

I rubbed my eyes, feeling my entire body grow even more tired by the minute.

Checking the time, I turned on the ignition and drove home.

Feeling this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach, I thought against going back home. My mind was stuck on too much, I couldn't bring myself to face Cher. I'm a fucking coward.

I've got to stop being around Claire. That's it! That's the solution. If I happen to be near her, again, for the fourth time in a row, I won't look her way. I won't talk to her or make sure she saw me. It'll be like she doesn't exist to me. And if she needed me, I won't help her.

My phone buzz and I glanced over at the message. Cher. Shaking my head, I knew she wouldn't wait until I got home to start with the arduous wedding stuff. I bet as soon as I step one foot inside, she'd be near the door, talking a mile a minute, more chastising me. Clinging, needy, smothering me before I have a chance to catch my breath. Is this really what I wanted for the rest of my life?

Why do I bother even showing up anymore? I'm just a stick in the mud, Cher will no doubt tell me everything she's had planned for the ceremony and want my opinion on it. Or it's something else, something I need to work on. This is too much.

I could already see the entire scene being played out pissing me off before I drive and park inside the garage.

Like the pussy I am I sent her a quick response, just to reassure her that I'm close. I also sent a quick text to my best friend. Patrick. Just a head's up on what might transpire tonight. Cher's message did not give me happy thoughts.

And I wasn't in the mood to fight with her, but knowing her, she always got her way. I just don't feel like submitting this time. Sighing, I switched off the engine and made my way out of the car carrying the food in my hand.

As I walked inside the elevator I took several deep breaths, preparing myself for anything at this point. My breaking point had not been reached yet but it was getting close. I wonder if I'm being paranoid, that she'll smile, maybe drop a kiss or two, thank me for dinner, and leave me alone for the rest of the night?

Who am I fucking kidding? 

I smirked as the elevator came to my floor. I turned the corner and didn't think before turning the key in the lock.

It was past 8:30, I knew she was home, I heard the TV switched on to some rubbish reality show. Where was she? I should never ask that...

"Oh my god! Baby!" I hear behind me as Cher's slim arms wrapped around my torso. She didn't see my face, thank fuck. "You're really starting to scare me now. Please don't do that to me."

Reluctantly, I placed my arms around her body, hoping she'll put some space between us so she's not smothering me completely. Course wishful thinking never got me anywhere.

"I'm fine, here, got the stuff." I held up the bag that dropped when she flung herself in me. "Let's eat."

I made my way to the kitchen counter, placing the food on top. As I took out the cartons, I felt Cher's eyes on me. Here we go, goodbye balls.

"Jamie, what's going on with you?" She had to drudge out my nickname, she always did to get her way. I just knew her motives are itching for an altercation.

I shrugged, "What do you mean?"

"Like...in general? Hello? It's like I'm not even here. You don't even hug me, what's wrong, baby? Seriously?" There came the baby-voice while dragging out the word baby.

My jaw clenched but I tried to mask it by lifting my shoulders up and down. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing. The last three days were hard on me, hard on us. We're getting married, Jamie, doesn't that mean anything to you? Do you care?" She spat, trying to push my buttons but I wasn't having it.

I don't know anymore, right now I could care less about that. "I care, I'm just hungry, okay? Can we just serve ourselves, sit down, and eat the Chinese food you asked me to get?"

Yeah, I was passive-aggressive, it probably didn't help, but I was beyond done. I didn't want drama tonight and I don't need to justify anything to her. If she didn't trust me, well, why are we getting married, to begin with?

She breathed in before taking one of the cartons and chucking it behind me, chow mein everywhere. I slowly turned around, not even shocked at her antics.

"Let's not do this tonight," I said, evenly.

She huffed, "We're doing this tonight. I can't believe how you're acting. What's really going on with you?"

"Come on, now, nothing is going on. You're being—"

"What? I am what? Because lately, this is the first time you've even looked at me." She spat.

I sighed, looking over at the mess she made, debating whether to clean it up or—

"I'm not gonna do this tonight. I'm not playing any games here. And you're not gonna force me to do anything. Now move." I spoke with pride in my tone, making my own decision.

For the first time in a while, I didn't feel shackled in fear of hurting her feelings. I actually felt invigorated knowing she was knocked down her pedestal of self-importance. I pushed past her, with my keys in hand, and made my way to the garage.

I knew she wouldn't run after me, she wanted me to come to her, doesn't work like that. Not anymore. I'm not going to be bullied into submission. It's not supposed to be this much work to keep this thing going.

Did I even want to get married anymore? I'm doing nothing to help, but I am doing everything by showing up. I live with Cherice, I endure her sometimes. This wasn't the first time she'd manipulate me into forcing me to agree with her. This is definitely the last time.

I went straight to my car and turned on the ignition, not wasting a second as I pulled out of the garage and away from that hell house. Running a hand through my hair, I blew out a big chunk of air and drove the rest of the way to my mate's place. Thankfully, he lived alone and I cleared coming over prior as I predicted this would happen.

I didn't even think to turn around, I just didn't want to be near Cher tonight. We both need a break from each other.

I sent Pat a text, letting him know I was here and he sent one back saying he's fine with it.

We were the type of friends that didn't need to talk things out to move on. Call it a bloke thing. He was cool enough to put me up, even when I was pissed drunk off my gorde some nights. Back in my partying days.

Pat ordered a pizza for us and I mostly fiddled with my phone as a football match played in the background.

I know he wasn't gonna ask me anything, we were silent for about 5 minutes until the adverts started.

"Glad you're here, man."

"Yeah, same."

"I've been meaning to say something as long as you're cool with it."

I looked up at him then back at my phone.

"No, it's cool."

"Well, I think it's great you're getting married. You guys are probably planning all the shit now, well, she is and you're agreeing with her ideas."

I smirked at him, but then his face turned serious again.

"Do you really wanna do this, man?" He asked me directly, not mincing words.

I rubbed my face, the fatigue making even answering a chore. But I made myself respond, maybe to prove I cared about something that belonged to me for once.

"I don't know anymore, I don't know."


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

Claire's POV

"Come on, Eddie. You _know_ me. You know I've been dying to get this gig. I know you have these slots open for new artists. Can't you just help me out?" I begged the manager of my favorite café.

He looked at me with the same frustration he did the last time I tried to persuade him. I really didn't know what I was doing, but I knew I had to lock this down. I was growing increasingly impatient.

He bussed a few tables, picking up some dirty coffee mugs and dishes. He pretended to ignore me, but I came closer. I was resilient, pleading my case, and stayed on him even more than I had last time. There was fire behind my eyes, it was new and passionate, something I feel when I play my music.

I was borderline desperate for this opportunity. He _had_ to understand how important this was to me. Having an audience is all I cared about. It's not just about the money. Playing my songs in my favorite café was a dream, and he knew that.

He shouted something to one of his co-workers and turned to me.

"Look, these things, they don't always happen, especially with the summer coming to an end. But I'll see what I can when we get more traffic coming in for the Fall and Winter. No guarantees here, no promises, but I'll ask a favor this time. We'll see what the owner says. Try not to get your hopes up, doll." He said, his Boston accent thick as he went back to his duties.

I clapped even though Eddie gave me a vague answer. It was an improvement for practically ignoring me the first few times. I almost hugged him but pulled back when he shot me a weird look.

"What's with you?" Eddie forgot the "h" in the word "with" again.

I followed him to the front of the café, leaning my elbows on the counter.

"What do you mean?"

"You mean so different. More eager. Much more than last time." He fixed something in the espresso machine. "You really want this, don't you?"

"Really? I hadn't noticed. I do want this, actually."

"Something's different. You look more serious about it this time. Something happen?"

I stared at him with curious eyes, wondering how to answer. I smiled, thinking of Niall, the way he was with me. The compassion he showed me. He gave me a second chance and I wasn't going to waste a minute.

This is my life, this is it! I only get one shot to make my mark. Wouldn't you?

"Yeah, I just really want this badly. So badly. I live and breathe music. It's all I have. It's why I moved here." I said; I wasn't going to cry.

That used to be me, not anymore. I don't want to be stuck where I am. Punching a clock, waking up, going to work early because my boss knew I can. I want to work for myself.

Eddie glanced at me, his face softened. I considered him a friend, someone I could trust. I pursed my lips and nodded.

"See what I can do. Let me know when you find a better job. I might help ya out if you don't have any luck. Have a good day, doll." He winked, nothing tawdry, he just cared, I was reassured at that moment.

I leaned in and hugged him before leaving, thanking him properly. I pulled back, waving to him briefly before exiting.

The breeze today was so calm, but I knew the closer I was to the coastline, the faster the wind picked up. Closing my eyes, I hugged my shoulders, for a moment I felt peace, contentment. Something I know I didn't earn, but I held onto it anyway.

Looking around the familiar outdoor theme park, I realized how many families were here. Not that they normally aren't, today it was a little more obvious.

Smiling, I moved some hair out of my eyes, moving my attention to the restaurant at the end that touched the docks. I could use something to drink.

I walked inside and sat at the bar, ordering a beer. I smiled as I got carded. This always happened, can't seem to shake my babyface. Speaking of, I wonder if Niall ever got carded. I giggled softly imagining him rolling his eyes as he took his ID out.

I sound really addicted, don't I? I can't help it. I keep seeing him and he kept saving me, I don't know how to feel about that. It meant nothing though, it's just a coincidence.

I finished my drink, paid, and went to the restroom. After washing my hands I looked at my reflection.

The more I stared at myself the uglier I felt. Why am I doing this to myself? Why did I suddenly want to be desired? Maybe because I wanted Niall to desire me. I rolled my eyes, drying my hands. Guys like him just didn't date girls like me. What do I have to offer him anyway?

I'm broke, living paycheck to paycheck, in between jobs, I can't even finish one song, and I'm obsessed with a guy who will never give me a chance. What guy in his right mind would want that?

I have to stop living in a fantasy, dreaming and imagining he was there, in front of me, protecting me.

I left the bathroom and walked aimlessly to the outer seating area right next to the docks, where the fishermen stood with their gigantic fishing poles.

I leaned over the rails, staring out into the sunshine. The last bit of Summer was coming to an end. We're going to get shorter days now, I won't have enough time during the day to look for another job. This current one is a bust. I'm pretty much stuck where I am.

I felt two strong hands slip around my waist, followed by warm arms wrapping around my mid-section.

It was just a dream, I knew it, when I heard Niall's greeting in my ear I kept my eyes closed, moaning as his deep voice tickled my ear with its gruffness.

"I could do this forever, Angel," Niall whispered, his lips grazing my ear. "Lean into me."

I did as he asked, feeling his lips touch the skin under my neck, scorching the area before he continued sensually working his way to kiss every spot on my neck.

"This isn't real, you're not here," I confessed, feeling my emotions take over.

He chuckled, it was so beautiful.

"I'm as real as you want me to be," he said simply.

"Hmm, I wish that was true."

"So tell me, next time you see me. Tell me..." his hot breath fanned my face.

"What if I don't see you?"

"You will," he said, kissing my neck one last time before I felt cold again.

When I opened my eyes, I was hugging my shoulders. He was gone, as I thought all along. This was ridiculous, I can't keep doing this to myself.

I could still feel him holding me tightly against him, then when he let go, I felt lost and hopeless.

I can't expect him to be here always. It just doesn't work that way. He has a life and I apparently I don't, not if I keep imagining him near me.

Sighing, I came back to myself, noticing my bracelet isn't on my wrist anymore. Weird. I looked around and didn't see it near me? I scoffed, I probably dropped it when I went to the restroom. My Dad gave it to me before I left, I had to find it.

I marched back inside the diner and made my way to the bathroom. I could have sworn I heard and saw what looked like a grease fire erupt before walking inside, closing the door, and searched for my trinket.

I heard a commotion behind me, then a banging on the door. 

"Hello? Anyone in there?" The voice was muffled but I could sort of make it out.

"Yes! What is it? What's wrong?" I called out and rushed to the door only to find the handle hot as hell. 

I pulled my hand back and looked at it. No marks, but that was close, I could have had third-degree burns.

Panic rushed inside me as I realized I was trapped. The door was too hot to open. I tried again and but got singed from the heated proximity of the handle. Going near it was a risk.

My heart sped up, this was _not_ happening again. Oh God, no! Seeing white smoke coming from the bottom of the door, rising to where I stood. Panic strung out in me, asthma resurfacing.

I tried holding my breath until someone came to get me but it wasn't working. My eyes had gone glassy, and I was finding it difficult to focus, the smoke was filling the bathroom fast.

I sunk to my knees, getting weaker by the second. My body was shutting down, I could feel my muscles relax and turn to mush.

If I was going to die at least let me find my bracelet. I couldn't let Dad down. Crawling around, my body forced the last ounce of energy I had left to feel for my bracelet. Gulping, I dragged my body to the corner and saw it sprawled a few inches from me.

My fingers covered it as my coughing gave leave to my breathing. Shallow and strained, no oxygen, no will, I couldn't fight for my life; then I faded away.


	12. Chapter 12

* * *

Niall's POV

I had a late lunch at this pub I went to with a colleague of mine. There wasn't much to do today. Still, nevertheless, on-call for the worst, today was a slow day.

They almost wanted to send me home early a couple of times but I waved them off. I'm not ready to go home just yet. Chalk it up to me stalling to face Cher, or whatever the fuck it is, I just didn't feel like it. Work was a brilliant distraction.

Maybe I could visit Claire and see how she's doing. These past 3 days have been tough on her but I can tell she's trying to be strong and battle through it. But I didn't want her to, dealing with it alone. I just wanted to help her, could I do that?

Swallowing the rest of my Guinness, I sensed my boss was going to tell me to leave, I expected it until my radio com signaled a new disturbance.

"All units report to the downtown Bay Bridge area. The coordinates cross with Sycamore Avenue and Vine Drive. Location business: _Rae's Diner_ , possible Code 10-80. Report and standby for further assistance. That's a code 904, standby."

I exchanged a look with my partner and shrugged. The firefighters were no doubt called but we were needed for the aftermath, tending to any casualties from the arson.

After I paid for my drink, I followed my team to the van as we both checked in with the order.

I have this strange feeling in my stomach, like da ja vué. This is just another trauma, I need to stop picturing Claire in every scenario I encountered. God, I hope we don't meet again this way.

 _Rae's Diner_ wasn't a booming business, I didn't expect there to be much damage, or at least I hoped it was going to be fairly quick so I could get off early and do what I wanted. Today, maybe I just wasn't feeling in the right mood to work. Cher had really put a speed bump in our relationship. Of course, eventually, we're going to have to talk, but for now, we needed to cool down.

When we arrived at the scene it was surely a sight. Looked like the fire was contained, thankfully. Damage towards the toilet area showed the door had been burned off. I came forward, inspecting any civilians that needed aid. A few, not many.

An elderly couple had smoke in their lungs but our team was on them, taking care of the situation. I looked on, but my attention was pulled to the restroom where I watched paramedics slowly placing a young woman, brunette, on a stretcher.

As I came closer, my heart stopped.

 _Claire_...my body moved faster than I can think. I came closer and held her hand, feeling her pulse barely sing. My mouth went dry as I tried to assist them in buckling her body on the rolling bed.

She started to fade away. Her face had soot covering her skin, she was alive but she didn't have long. I fixed the oxygen tubes inside her nose, watching her chest rise with fresh air but coughing as she exhaled.

"We have to go," I demanded, my colleagues looked at me, seeing my eyes, knowing I meant it.

"Are you riding with us, Horan?" One of them asked.

"Yeah, I need to stay with her until she gets checked in," I spoke in a rushed manner, helping them fold the stretcher, lifting her body inside the vehicle.

As I sat with my co-workers, I didn't let go of her hand. With my other hand, I rubbed my face, looking at her. This is my fault. I should have been here.

"It's not your fault, man," Peter said, reassuring me. "She'll be okay."

My mouth tensed but I tried to stay calm and cool under all this pressure. Nodding, I opened my mouth.

"I know, I know that."

Peter looked at me, I really wasn't doing a great job of hiding my feelings. I placed my other hand over hers, closing my eyes.

He reached over and touched my shoulder. "We'll do everything we can, okay man?"

Nodding, I sighed heavily. He was right. Why was I losing my mind right now? I never did, it was rare. I had to be the strong one, someone others had relied upon. I can't break now, Claire needed me, I had to hold on a bit longer. Until she woke up.

All the possible scenarios screamed through my mind, it was giving me a sensory overload. Coma? No, I felt her pulse, she even woke up briefly when I fixed in her IV drip. She'll be just fine, she just needed to wake up.

The ride was quick as we unloaded the stretcher out, pulling the bed toward the front of the ICU.

And that was it, everything was in their hands. I wasn't allowed in until the full examination had been completed. I'm not family but I can make up a story that I knew her, they'll believe me. They know me well here. God, I fucking hate hospitals. Ironic, isn't it?

About an hour passed before they told me she was going to be okay and if I wanted to see her, I could. The nurse suggested it might help her to hear my voice. I smirked, looking down. If only I had that effect over her.

The nurses here care about me, every time I come here, there is so much love and nurturing. They reminded me of my mum. They could see this was important to me.

They led me toward the room which was, thankfully, not in the intensive care unit. They must have changed rooms when I wasn't looking. The nurse nodded toward the room, telling me to take my time. She also handed me a copy of her medical check-in, knowing I was curious about her statistics too.

I thanked her and turned the handle, walking in the room, seeing her asleep. I sighed with relief, she's going to be okay.

After I shut the door, I skimmed over her summary and placed it on the counter. The rest was only paperwork, but what a scare that gave me.

Pulling up the visitor's chair, I moved it toward the bed, scooting closer so I could see her better.

"Hey, Angel..." I began, nervous suddenly. Butterflies were in my stomach. "Was told you were going to be alright. I needed to make sure meself. I'm sorry I wasn't there before it happened. I'm here now. If you can hear me, when you're ready, wake up. I'll be right here."

I don't know if my voice was helping her any. She'll wake up when her body wanted it to, I have no trigger to that, that's silly.

I knew this was wrong, I was engaged, a taken man. But I can't stay away from her, I just can't. She didn't need me, she wanted nothing to do with me, it just made me need her more.

I touched my hand over hers. "We gotta stop meeting like this, Claire. Heh, I don't want to worry about you..." I paused, looking down, I know she can't hear me. "You make me question everything I'm feeling."

Rubbing my face, I heard her heart monitor began moving, could she have heard me? She stirred, moaned, and groaned, softly coughing.

My breath caught in my throat. It took a full moment for Claire to slowly wake up, blinking her eyes several times before focusing.

"Oh my God..." She said, her voice hoarse.

I scooted closer, moving to keep a firm grip on her hand. "Hey, welcome back."

She moved, trying to sit up but my hand came on her shoulder. 

"Easy," I said, slowly releasing the grip I had on her hand.

"Jesus, I really thought my—ugh, I thought that was it." She said, shutting her eyes as she leaned back. "I felt myself die."

I didn't know what to say, she looked so lost as she went through hell and back. I can only imagine.

"Not yet, you're safe now. Christ, you scared me."

She opened her eyes, showing a glassy look. Oh God no, please don't cry.

"I'm sorry..." she looked directly at me. "Why does this keep happening?"

Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. "I wish I knew."

She tried again to sit up but I kept my hand on her shoulder. "I need to sit up, Niall, please?"

Nodding, I helped her shift upright in bed, loosening her covers. I felt her take my hand and narrowed my eyes.

"I need to get out of here, will you help me?" She begged.

" I don't know, that's not my call. I can ask the doctor just to be sure. Just wait here for me?"

She nodded with pain in her eyes. My heart broke at the sight.

"I'll be right back," I said, reluctantly letting go of her hand.

I went to the doctor and he told me she's fine to leave, but only if she took everything slowly. I had a feeling. Affirming the information, I turned back to the room, only to find Claire slipping on her shoes, removing the heart monitor from her finger.

She really couldn't wait to leave.

"Hey, take it slow, okay?" I came beside her as she fumbled with putting on her shoes.

She turned around, staring into my eyes. "What did they say?"

"You can leave, I'm signing you out. But under one condition."

"What?"

"He wants you to take it easy. Get something to eat. Try to avoid shutting your eyes. Fresh air would be great for you."

Her unreadable expression molded into a small smile. "Seems to be our thing, huh?"

I realized what she meant and returned the smile. "Suppose so. Are you ready?"

She nodded eagerly, color returning to her cheeks. "Right behind you."

I helped her take a step with me as we walked to the front desk, waiting as I signed her out.

I caught her eyes, sending a small smile to her as she blushed, looking less stressed than she had when she woke up.

As soon as I finalized the paperwork, I took her hand in mine, she held on to me for support, I didn't mind at all. Having her this close to me, selfishly, felt amazing.

"I'm sorry I'm leaning so much on you."

I laughed softly. "It's alright, you've been through a lot. Had you eaten today?"

We made our way outside and she wanted to stand on her own. I released her for a moment, letting her catch her breath.

"I think so, yeah."

"Did you have dinner?"

She stared at me. "No, why?"

"I could get you something," I offered.

She looked down. "Niall..."

I gulped, she probably felt uncomfortable. I had a feeling she might protest, but I didn't want her eating alone, not tonight. I couldn't leave her.

Her bright blue eyes locked with mine. "Okay, I don't really feel like eating alone tonight."

How did she know? I didn't care, it was like she knew what I was thinking. What I was feeling.

"Everything okay?" She asked, pulling me out of my head.

I smiled, taking back hold of her hand. "Yeah, let's go, I um, I have to back to change though. Is that okay?"

"Sure." She shrugged. "I can wait, take your time."

I led us to the parking lot and drove us back to my work building. She was silent and I didn't blame her. Just being near her was enough. I bet she had a lot of thoughts, she looked like she did.

I reached over and took her hand, I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to protect her, no matter how much she pushed me away. Something inexplicable was awakened in me and it flowed through my hand as I held her.

"Why am I still here?"

I almost slammed the breaks when I stopped abruptly at a streetlight.

"What?"

She frowned, staring forward so I could see her profile. "I don't know why I didn't die."

I drove again when I saw the green light and briefly looked at her.

"I don't know, but I'm glad you didn't."

"I guess so. Strange, I felt myself slipping away. Been feeling that way a lot lately."

I cleared my throat and gestured to the _In-and-Out Burger_ a few blocks ahead.

"Sorry, I didn't know what you wanted. We can go somewhere else?"

"No, this is fine." Her small voice said.

We ordered, then waited on the side for our order to be brought over. I always loved coming here. So old fashioned. Like one of those 1950s burger joints where they roller skated orders to your car.

I felt her looking at me and caught her, she averted her eyes.

"Thank you, Niall." Then she looked at me again, I'm starting to really stare into her eyes each time she did that.

She reached over and took my hand. We shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be alone with her. I just can't allow her to take it too far.

What if I told her the truth? About Cherice? I don't think now is the right time. She slid further down on the passenger seat, looking at me through her long eyelashes.

"Maybe there's a reason why we keep meeting like this." She commented gently. "But I don't know why it keeps being...like _this_. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I don't know." I sighed, leaning back. "I don't like to worry about you."

She raised her brow, looking at me with small eyes. "What?"

"I was really scared today. I'm normally not like that. I lost it when I saw you, the pain you were in. I see people in distress every day, it's never easy, but, me heart dropped down to my feet when I saw you."

Claire looked down, her eyes watering over, tears wanted to spill, but she was trying not to cry. Her beautiful eyes locked on mine, we were leaning closer, and before we knew it, feeling that inevitable pull to each other.

We jerked apart at the sound of the knocking on the window. Our food came. I rolled down the window, and Claire took the bag inside and we thanked the worker.

She placed the bag between us and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Claire, I'm sorry. I was out of line. I don't know what happened."

"It's fine." She huffed and reached into the bag, pulling out a burger. She looked at it before taking a bite.

I took one from the bag, opening the wrapper, and taking a big bite. Maybe if we ate in silence, things don't have to be so bad. I'm engaged, this is wrong. But fuck that.

I wanted to throw this food down and—

"I'm so happy to be alive. I could have five of these right now..." she whispered, finishing her food, sipping on her drink.

"Is that what you want?"

She finally looked at me, wiping her hands on the napkin. "No, definitely don't wanna gain weight now."

I rolled my eyes, "If you're hungry, just let me know. I don't mind if you wanna get more. It's practically dinner time right now. Are you sure, love?"

She sipped her drink and munched on her fries. "I'm good I was just feeling elated. I'm fine, thank you. God, you keep—"

I was confused.

"You're so sweet. You're amazing. I have to give you this," she paused, reaching inside her purse. She pulled out some money, I was almost insulted. "Umm, I hope it's—"

"Love, it's not necessary. I want to help. I don't need your money," I spoke, feeling my heart break at her generosity. "Really, it's okay." I placed my hands up.

Reluctantly, she put her cash away. "How am I going to thank you for everything you've done?"

I shrugged. "Seeing you happy means more."

Claire looked off in the distance in thought. Did I go too far?

"Thank you..." she smiled gently. I thought for a moment she looked at my lips. Was I imagining that?

She pursed her lips, then picked up her head as she looked at me, her eyes were shining. Fuck, she's gorgeous.

"I know! I know what I can give you."

"What? No, Claire, you don't have to—"

"Let me, please, it's not money, it's something else." She said, biting her lip.

"What's that?"

She leaned in close to my ear as if to tell me a secret. I closed my eyes, feeling the soft heat of her breath brush my skin.

I took a moment to fall out of my trancelike state. Placing the gear back into drive, trusting her until we arrived at the desired destination.


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

Claire's POV

I looked over at Niall, feeling his eyes on me as he drove to where I directed him to.

The closer we were, the more nervous I became. Niall's hand was holding mine as he turned a corner, pulling into a dirt-covered road, leading to an open space that revealed itself towards the end of the trail-way.

When he pulled in to stop, he switched off the engine. His eyes focused in front of him as he spied on the scene in front of him. His face was slightly unreadable, but he didn't let go of my hand, I was grateful.

The sun was just starting to set, perfect timing. I watched him take in the beauty of the body of water with the landmark Golden Gate Bridge glistening in the pink, purple, and yellow of the day fading into transformation.

I felt him squeeze my hand as he caught my attention. "Christ, this is lovely."

I thought of something else that might make this better.

"Do you have any blankets?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, we can get a closer look if we place them on the front window. It's okay if not, just wondering."

He looked at me, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, some beach blankets in the back. I'll get one." He said, getting out and reaching to the back of the trunk area.

He pulled one out and came around to open my door. I smiled at his chivalry and took his hand. He set up the blanket over the windshield and helped me up on the top, almost collapsing on him.

"Sorry," I apologized, moving off of him and staying on my side.

"It's alright, love," he said, getting more comfortable on his side. "Wow, you were right, this is loads better. You could see everything. I didn't realize you could view so much from this angle."

I leaned back, feeling my body relax, "I saw it once on the way. It's amazing when you stop and look at things like this. We see it every day but we never really see it."

Niall shifted in his position, I was wondering if he was nervous about something.

"Yeah...suppose we take all this for granted. Little things like this. We shouldn't."

I watched his face as he spoke. His forehead began to relax, he placed his arms behind his head, supporting it. I shouldn't frown that he had chosen to do that but I did, I liked holding his hand. Made me feel so safe.

I looked back at the view, taking in the various colors that strewn around, dancing like a Van Goh painting. A massive swirl of rainbow colors melting into one mangled color. The dark blue of the night sky wanted to take its place so badly.

Sighing, we caught the final glimpse of the sun being swallowed by the night. Just as quickly as those colors shown, they were gone. Such as life, truly beautiful things are rare, when we see them we almost can't believe they exist and want them to stay. I know the feeling, would it ruin everything if I wanted to be here with Niall all night? If I asked him, what would he say?

My emotions were getting the better of me. I can't just ask someone to stay. It wasn't that simple. He had a life, a busy one at that. I'm not the only life he's saved. And he doesn't belong to me.

"I could stay here all night." He whispered. "I wish..."

 _Why can't you?_ I thought.

I opened my mouth but closed it. I was too afraid to say what I wanted to say.

I said the closest thing to it, without embarrassing myself completely. "I don't wanna leave this place yet. Can those colors come back?"

"Yeah, it's perfect," he said, his voice was somewhere else, it seemed weightless.

 _You're living in a fantasy, just let it go,_ I thought to myself, my body stiffening.

Niall turned to me, I felt his eyes all over me, or were they? I couldn't tell, I was staring into them too deeply to notice.

"We can't keep meeting like this, Claire."

I tensed, "Would it be better if we didn't meet at all?"

He cast his eyes away, my question bothered him. He pursed his lips, the stress hitting their lining, reaching his eyes. I frowned, wondering why I even asked him that. "I'm sorry I said that."

"No..." he paused, rubbing his face. "I don't like worrying about you, that's all. I hate it."

My concerned eyes looked at him, "I'm still here. It's all because of you, some miracle, I keep coming back to life because you were there for me. No worries needed." I touched his arm gently, "Hey..."

He held my gaze.

"I'm alright," I said above a whisper.

He looked at my lips again, why does he keep doing that? A tortured looked strained in his eyes.

"I know..." he replied gruffly.

And that's when I realized how silly I was acting. All these signals he's sending out, he's completely living in his head. Maybe the right thing to do would be...

"It's getting late," I began, my voice breaking as I sat up, moving off the blanket. "Been a long day."

He sat up, confused but followed my lead, slipping the blanket off the car. "Everything alright?"

No, it won't be, "Yeah, of course. Umm, just need to be back, before it gets colder."

He nodded, seemingly buying it and I sighed in relief. I was half right, sure, I wanted to be back, but Niall's sudden cool behavior scared me a little. As much as I wanted him around, I did, the fantasy isn't the reality.

I frowned as he opened the door for me. I didn't make eye contact but thanked him still, getting in, buckling my seat.

He knew where I lived so I didn't need to talk to him. All I did was stare outside the rest of the ride.

I have to stop meeting him this way, he's right. I shouldn't have said not meeting him would be worse, it already is. Why do I feel like something is missing? Like there is a reason why he's being so closed off? Maybe it had nothing to do with me.

We arrived but I hesitated before unbuckling, it's like I was waiting for him to say something. Stop me. Hold me. Fucking kiss me again. But, nothing...

I knew this was the right decision.

I clicked open the door, "Goodnight, Niall..." I spoke so softly you wouldn't know if I even said it properly.

I moved to get out but I heard him get out and wrap around to the other side, standing in front of me.

"You really don't have to, I can do things myself," I said, irritation plagued my tone.

"I know, I just, I want to," he said in a voice that made me melt inside.

Everything inside me is telling me to push past and completely forget him. But I accepted his hand in mine, grabbing my purse as he walked me to my door. He actually followed me inside the gate and up the steps. I could have told him no but I didn't want to fight.

As soon as I opened the door, my body was pushed up against the wall, Niall's strong hands pinning me there. I breathed in sharply, finding myself in another dream, or was I? It sure seemed real.

He looked at me with lust in his eyes, loosening his grip as he caught me staring at him with the same passion. "Fuck...you drive me crazy, love."

"What are you waiting for?" I asked, my voice dropping down an octave, brushing my cunt against his hard-on.

"Be careful what you wish for, love." The grit in his voice making me ready for him to do anything he wanted.

"Stop talking..." I rasped, his lips getting dangerously close to mine.

My hands reached down, running him through his pants, feeling his girth getting hotter by the second. His breathing sped up, giving a small hiss when I cupped him fully through his pants, squeezing.

"Tell me what you want, Niall?" I teased, having a little fun making him squirm.

"You fucking know...don't play with me," he said, his tone dead serious, cupping my breasts, snaking his way downward.

"I wanna hear you say it."

"Open your gorgeous eyes and you'll have everything you wish for." He whispered against my lips.

I fluttered my eyes open, hearing Niall repeat his call for me to wake up, then I focused and realized I was inside his car the whole time. What the fucking hell?!

Niall touched my shoulder but I flinched away, was this even real anymore? How could I have fallen asleep that quickly and dreamed so fast? What is the world I'm living in?

I rubbed my face, feeling it grow even more flushed. Wincing, I knew I fucked up. Was I talking in my sleep? I hope he didn't hear anything, good lord that was embarrassing. I found it extremely difficult to look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I must have dozed off," I said, removing my hands from my face.

"It's okay, love. I didn't wanna wake you. Your body was too relaxed. If I shook you awake, your heart rate would have spiked. Didn't wanna scare ya." Niall explained.

"Sorry..." I said, needing to get out and be done with this day. "I should go."

"I can walk you up," Niall offered, hearing him unbuckle his seatbelt.

I placed my hand up, "No, please," I stared at him, "I mean, no thank you. I appreciate it, of course."

I felt Niall take my hand before I placed my free one on the handle, about to open the door. "Angel..."

"Niall, please, I should go home."

"I know, I feel bad leaving you alone. Especially after today, let me come up with you."

My eyes threatened to water over. Niall's soft voice echoed throughout my body, feeling the gruff vibrations pulse my heart. I gave his hand a squeeze, feeling his protection deep through his skin.

When I stared at him, I knew I shouldn't invite him in. I'd be letting this get too far and in the end, I could see myself getting hurt in some way.

"Alright," I replied, finding myself drowning in those ocean eyes of his.


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

Niall's POV

I just didn't wanna go home, because I already was, with Claire. I can't stay away. I don't _want_ to stay away. And I wouldn't let her push me away, not until I knew she was safe this time around. Yeah, that's why I'm here.

I followed her up the stairs and to her flat. "I apologize for the mess, been meaning to clean up," she said, but I waved her off. I honestly didn't care, besides, she was cleaner than most places I've walked into.

I took off my jacket, placing it on the back of the couch. Her place was nice, cute, a little small, but, _enough_. She had a couple of guitars placed to the side as well as papers of sheet music on the coffee table. Clearly, music was important to her, was she a professional?

"Umm, do you want something to drink?" She asked me brightly.

I shook my head, "I'm okay, well, are ya tired? Must be after today."

She slipped off her shoes and took off her jacket, putting it next to mine. "Yeah, certainly didn't think this would happen, again." She said, sitting on the couch, sitting on her feet. I felt she wanted to continue, but she didn't, I wondered why? "You can sit down if you like."

Should I? I would be closer to her, was that such a bad thing? 

"Alright."

I came around and sat down on the other side of the couch. It felt more comfortable than it looked. I could fall asleep on here if I wanted.

Claire laughed, it sounded magical, no words. "Can I be honest?"

I raised my brows, an amused smile on my face.

"I feel really safe around you. Oh shit, like you haven't heard that before, it's your job, sorry, that was weird," she rambled. 

I laughed, she was awfully cute when she stammered, "I understand, I kind of feel that way too."

She locked her eyes with mine, surprised at what I said, "Oh?"

I don't know why I admitted that aloud. Something about her made me more honest and I didn't like it. The more honest I am, the more people get hurt.

I love Cherice, why am I here? Because Claire asked me to be, I think.

"Would you like something to drink?" She asked me again.

"Uhm," I mumbled, feeling like I was doing something wrong by staying here now.

Claire looked at me with that adorable curiosity I saw that first day I met her, that night I didn't want to be an engaged man. I still don't, I don't know. Maybe I should talk to Cherice, straighten this whole fuckery out. Dear God, I'm a shitty person. I stood up, avoiding Claire's eyes.

"Hey, umm, I think I need to head out. Sorry..." I said, feeling like I kicked myself in the stomach.

"Oh...alright, umm, of course, everything okay?"

I nodded, making my way to her door, "Yeah, just need to head home, sorry."

I made my way out of her apartment, barely heard her saying goodbye. I was making the right decision, so then why did it feel like the wrong one?

* * *

Claire's POV

I frowned for the remainder of the night, confused about Niall's behavior. I didn't think he would stay long, sure, but the way he left felt a little off.

Of course, I don't know him all that well, but, I wanted to. Something weird is going on and it probably didn't concern me. Or maybe it did, in that case, do I have a right to be paranoid? I think so, Niall and I keep meeting like we do, in the worst ways, but still, we just keep seeing each other. Under life and death situations, and why does it feel like a piece of me has died?

I don't understand what I did wrong, did I say something wrong? Was I too abrasive? Did he see me as desperate? Probably the latter, more likely. I got invested, he saw it, and that was it.

I shouldn't have feelings for him, but I do, and I hate myself for it. I don't know what it is. It's like every time I think about him, he just appeared out of nowhere, saving me, from something. He left because he didn't feel the same, and it hurt me, sure, it would hurt anyone to admit that.

The sooner I accepted the truth, the better I will be and start to move on. If we happen to meet again—God help me—I have to avoid him, especially after tonight, my life meant more than that. I just hope it doesn't do me in. It's just another rejection, who cares? It shouldn't.

My cell rang and I picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked, leaning against the couch.

"Hey, darlin' how ya doing?" Eddie asked, his voice having some color to it.

Alive, I guess, under the circumstances, "Good, umm, what's up?"

"I have some good news, ya ready?"

"What?" I asked with a giggle.

"Boss said you can come into ours tomorrow. There's a spot open around 9 pm. Could ya do it?"

"Oh my God! Yes, yes! Of course! Wow, thank you so much!" I could barely contain my excitement.

"You deserve it. Glad to hear you happy, girl. About time," Eddie said, I could practically see that wink of his and it just made me feel even more elated.

"Alright! There's so much to think about. I can't thank you enough!" I said, clicking off the call, unable to contain the smile on my face from growing.

I called my Dad to share the great news, "Yeah, I mean, I kept pressing him but he finally came through for me. I knew it! I knew something good was eventually going to happen. I finally have my second chance. Oh, you know, like, been struggling for a while. That's what I mean. Thanks, I appreciate the support. Well, this is for Winter, yeah, they had an open spot and they picked me! Just, wow, okay, I'll call you before I perform. Can't believe I'm saying that! I know...I love you Dad, have a good night. Thanks, bye."

After I clicked off I collapsed on my bed, I grinned so hard I felt my face go numb. Should I get used to this? My mind immediately went to what songs I was going to sing. The set was going to be short so I had to narrow it down, all original tunes, no covers if I wanted to be taken seriously.

I checked over my songs, sifting through the ones I planned on performing and discarding the shitty ones for the paper shredder. I examined the one I've started to pin ever since I met Niall and reread it over, it's never going to be finished. He was gone, he made his message pretty clear tonight. I imagined it all, there is no such thing as fate, at least where love is concerned.

I placed it in the discard pile, not once looking at the genuine feelings I poured out to a fantasy that will never be lived out. Niall isn't mine, I'm not his, and dwelling over it is a waste of time.

Tomorrow is another chance and it's real. This man who saved my life four times in a row just wasn't. His memory began twisting into a realistic smoke as I started to wake up from my haze.

"Time to grow up..." I sighed, looking to the open window blowing frosty breeze and standing up to close it.

I placed my hand on the top, seeing Niall's ghost-like body gradually walking away until he completely faded into the distance. I think it happened, but it doesn't matter anymore.

"Enough, enough now," I said staunchly, slamming the window completely shut.

* * *

Niall's POV

I didn't want to leave, I really didn't, but I had to, Cherice Taylor didn't deserve me as a fiancée, but I owed her an explanation for my actions. Running from her was only going to prolong the issue. My misgivings about getting married were normal. There were guys I knew who went through this process and came out fine, they all survived.

What was I so worried about? Claire wasn't a priority, she shouldn't be. It was heartless of me to admit that, she should mean nothing to me, and I'm going to try my best to make that come true.

Parking my car in the garage, I killed the engine and stepped out, walking to the elevator. As I pressed my floor, I folded my arms across my chest, rubbing my face, bracing myself for the reaction I'm about to receive.

Cher was mad, so was I, but we cared about each other. We loved each other enough to listen. I didn't do that, I just cowered and gave up because of some random girl I met a few days ago. Wrong.

Cher had every right to be pissed off, I had to be an adult about this. Weddings were special, I needed to respect my future wife in everything and be there for her, which I hadn't been. Claire had my attention, not anymore, I'll bury it if I have to.

I turned the key in the lock, peeking my head inside, and opened the door when I saw there was silence on the other end.

"Baby?" Cher's voice called me.

She appeared from the hallway, looking like she was just crying a moment ago and didn't wipe her tears. My heart cracked at the sight. She still meant something to me. I placed my keys on the counter and opened my arms to her. Relief flowed through me at that moment.

She ran to me and flung her arms around me, holding me the tightest she's ever held me. I really fucked up.

"I'm sorry, love, sorry I left you. If you wanna talk about it, we can just—"

She pulled back to look at me with those angelic, playful eyes of hers that were now staring right now dedicated to me, "No, I don't wanna talk, I forgive you. I'm sorry I was mad, I'm just so worried for you. Worried about us. I'm crazy to think that, I know," she paused. "I love you so much. I'm not gonna force you to talk to me, you don't have to. I'm so sorry, Niall. I think I love you too much for my own good."

I stroked her face, bent down to place my lips over hers, "Let's have some dinner and go to bed."

I kissed her forehead and released her to the kitchen, letting my staring linger on as I followed behind her, where I belong.


	15. Chapter 15

****

* * *

**Claire**

I woke up around 6 am and I couldn't feel happier to start my day. Yeah, sure, Niall was a bust and I'm still rolling my eyes from last night, but I knew, I had a feeling he didn't feel the same, story of my life, honestly. Most guys are like that, or maybe they're like that around me. Not like we were gonna run off in the sunset or anything. No, I didn't think of that, not even once.

Enough about him, more about today, or rather, _tonight_. I couldn't wait! I had my songs and outfit picked out so all that stress melted away. Eddie really cared about me, I should do something nice for him. I'll get back to him on that, surely he's earned it.

I washed up and showered, feeling cleaner and worth it. I had this overwhelming urge to write songs, bits of ideas were buzzing around my brain, making way to inject electricity through my fingers to grab the nearest writing utensil and scribble everything in my head down on paper.

I paced myself, there was always time. Today, I was just going to chill out and arrive at the cafe early. My phone rang.

"Hey, Eddie! Yeah, I'm good, everything okay? I'm still on tonight right?" I asked, pausing. "Oh? Early?" I rubbed the back of my neck. "How early?" I bit my nails, "At 8 am? That's soon, okay, so you're sure about tonight? Does he want to close up early? Alright, no, that's totally fine. I'm taking it! Good thing I'm prepared. Okay, see ya then, bye!" I clicked off, throwing my cell on my bed, leaning back.

The gig is in 2 hours, crazy, am I really ready for this? I should definitely eat breakfast first, then get my last-minute nervousness out of my system. My hand was shaking but I believed this is my time.

I checked my makeup and hair, making sure I looked mostly passing the attractive meter. Still plain but in color. Best I can do. This was about my future career, not a guy, at least I looked professional.

Grabbing my keys and guitar, I made my way out of my apartment, bolting it before taking the stairs outside to request a rideshare.

When it came I got inside, loading my guitar inside, and waited to arrive at the café. Lord love a duck I was nervous as fuck. Butterflies filled my stomach and I knew time was crunching in. What if nobody was there? What if they hated me? What if I only got to perform one song for my set? Come to think of it, Eddie never told me how many songs I could perform.

I sent him a quick text and he got back to me, saying that I should keep it under 15 minutes. Which meant I could strum out 4 solid tunes, not bad. Oh good, I'm here.

I got out and walked with anticipation to the café that had become my godsend. Opening the door, I scanned the area for Eddie. My brows rose as I spotted him and gave a small wave in his direction.

He waved me over, a big smile on his face, at least I was sure I had one fan to rely on.

I walked over and gave him a big hug.

"Thanks so much, Eddie. This really means the world."

"You got it doll. Got ya your favorite latte and blueberry muffin set up before your set. Feel free to tell Molly to make it for ya. Good luck darling." He said, hugging me again and kissing my cheek.

I suddenly had a small flash when Niall brushed his lips against my cheek and shook my head, "Let it go, he's over. He doesn't want you."

He probably never did, knowing my shitty luck with guys. This was the _wrong_ attitude to have before my big performance. I walked around to Molly and told her my order. She smiled and said it's taken care of.

When it was ready, I took my order and walked to the corner table. Why do I feel like Niall is near? Like his presence is somehow smothering me? For kicks, I looked around and didn't see him. Of course, I didn't, because he wasn't real. None of happened, not even the rejection.

"Excuse me? Pardon me, so sorry to bother you," a saccharine female voice said near me.

My attention turned to a bombshell blonde. Baby blue eyes, Disney nose, smooth tanned skin. Perfection personified. If they wrote a book on "every man's type" she would be on the cover. Ugh, why am I so fucking insecure? She could be the nicest person in the world, drop the jealously.

"Sorry, umm, did you need something?" I said, sounding ruder than I intended, but I was in the middle of eating.

"Oh, I just couldn't help but notice your guitar. Do you sing as well?" She asked me, her voice sounded so sweet, it almost seemed unreal.

I looked at her with unsure eyes, "Yeah, I do. About to perform on stage in a few."

"Oh, that's really cool. I'd love to hear you perform. You could be _exactly_ who Jamie and I are looking for."

"Looking for?" I asked, wondering where this was going.

She took the seat next to me and I knew this wasn't over, gave her my attention, "Yeah, well, okay, here's the thing: I'm actually looking for a singer at the moment. Well, we are, me and my fiancé, Jamie." She explained, biting her lip looking hopeful. "We're both looking for a wedding singer."

I almost choked on my latté.

"Wow, alright, okay. Goodness, well, I'm on stage in a few minutes. Umm, let me know how I sound?" I tried to mask my nervousness, but she beamed at me, barely noticing it.

"Oh, that's great, I'll be right here. I'm sorry, so rude, umm, what's your name?"

"Claire, yours?"

"I'm Cherice," she replied, flashing me her pearly whites as she held out her hand, I took it in mine.

I started to feel relaxed, something about this girl made me feel at ease. She seemed to be genuinely interested in my singing, it's never happened before. Someone actually cared, maybe this was a sign, _fate_ so to speak. The _real_ kind.

"Nice to meet you," I smiled, feeling it reach my eyes.

"Can't wait to hear you, you got this. I have a good feeling you're amazing."

Blushing, I finished my latté and placed my muffin away as I set up my acoustic. I tuned it to where I needed it to be and played an opening chord as soon as I fixed on my strap. Eddie stood, giving me a wink and thumbs up from the counter, oh boy.

Standing in front of the mic, I took a breath and looked out into the crowd. What a difference, there were more people who filled the side tables as I tried to focus on the first song of my set.

"Hey guys, uh, so this is my first official performance living in the city. I'm grateful for this opportunity. So this first song is about this guy I met recently. Here it is..."

I didn't plan on it, I just went with my feeling, I played the song I wrote about Niall. I had finished it this morning, adding an extra line, making the bridge pop up so the song was more hopeful than melancholy. I guess that was the plan from now on, looking beyond reality. Deep breaths.

_If the wind closes your door_   
_It will open another_

_And I'll be waiting_   
_I'll be watching_   
_Under a blue moon_   
_Taste of heaven only happens_   
_Once in a blue moon_

With my eyes closed, I strummed the last chords, my nervousness returning when I heard silence and then applause that took me aback. I struggled to stand, feeling the guitar suddenly heavy around my neck.

I looked into the crowd to see Cherice beaming another smile at me as she and others were enjoying it. I looked down at the crowd's clapping subsiding, clearing my throat.

"Thank you guys, got a few more where that came from," I said, this was everything I've waited for.

Seeing Cherice give me the thumbs up, I played the opening chords to another original song I wrote this morning. It's finally happening for me.


	16. Chapter 16

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* * *

**Niall**

A couple of days passed and things were starting to back to normal. Cherice had been busy at work, planning away and speaking to her father about all the expenses.

She's been a bit of a mystery lately. Saying very little, teasing here and there. I almost wish she would just tell me what the big surprise is. Turned out, tonight I was finally going to find out.

The fact that my fiancé had been planning something I didn't fully decide on somehow didn't sit well with me. Okay, granted this was her thing, not mine, who was I to question her motives? She had good intentions, and she's working with the best decorators and planner her mother found in the Bay Area. So why was I feeling so off before anything had happened?

Maybe I didn't sleep right. It could be the fact that I barely ate breakfast this morning. Thankfully, it was Saturday and I'm at my favorite café, getting my usual drink and food. Cherice said she was going to meet later for an early dinner and the surprise reveal. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous.

My phone rang and it was Cherice. I answered and she reminded me about the surprise. Okay then, why can't she just tell me over the phone? Women and their bloody secrecies.

Being here grabbed at my heart a bit, I thought of Claire, fuck, I really shouldn't. Not after what I did to her. Led her on, made her think it was okay when it really wasn't. You wouldn't have known I was engaged, I never gave off that impression when I met her. Should I have told her? Maybe. I don't know. By that respect, should I have told Cherice? No, because it was nothing, just a handful of coincidences revolving around disasters that keep bringing us together. What in the fuck does that mean? Nothing.

I need to stop thinking about Claire as if she's going to just appear and make me regret being promised for. This isn't right. I'm possessed or something. I'm the one that closed up anything between us. Hurting Claire had to be done. So then why is she still in me head? Haunting me? Why do I still want her around? It's not as if there's going to be a reason for her to stay in me life.

I'm getting married soon, I should act like it. Me phone rang and I picked it up, saved by the fucking bell.

"Hi Mam, how are ya, now?"

"Good puppet. Lovely to hear your voice again. Did you ring your father?"

"I hadn't yet. I will though. How is he?"

"Oh, he's fine. Worried about ya, is all. We all are. The work you do is hard and dangerous. We're just concerned for ya, love."

So typical of her, she's every mam though, "I'm alright. Got a girl to marry off soon, ya know?"

"We know. How're things with Cherice?"

I breathed in sharply, wishing I could lie to her, that'd be so easy for me, "We're getting on now. It's just stressful right now with me job and our communication isn't exactly perfect lately. Meeting her tonight for a surprise she's planned."

"Aww sweetie, I'm sorry about that. Sending you a big hug your way. Are things looking up now?"

I closed my eyes, "Yeah, I think after tonight with the surprise we should alright."

"Is your love for her strong?" Mam asked me, she could tell when I'm lying and sensed I was over the phone.

"It will be. I hope so, can't lie to ya. Just wondering what me life will be like once I'm married."

"Niall...tell me, is everything alright?" Her stern voice asked, dear Christ almighty.

I shut me eyes again, popping them open, suddenly my vision failed me, "No, it's not."

"Anything I can do? I'll jump on the next flight to you. We pensioners have all the time in the world, especially for our sons when they are hurting. Niall, tell me what's wrong?"

I scratched me chin, feeling like this conversation should happen, but not over the phone. "I'll book your ticket today. Ring ya when it's done. I'd much rather tell ya in person. I miss ya all. Tell Dad, it's alright."

"I will, God in heaven, I wish I were there now. Okay, call me after tonight, yeh? Let me know how you are. I love you so much."

"Love ya too, Mam. Chat soon," I said, clicking off to purchase plane tickets at the best time possible for Mam to arrive shortly.

I booked a red-eye tonight, she'll arrive by Sunday, probably stay with us all week. This might be something I need to get my mind off Claire if I don't see her again. If I'm lucky, it'll help erase her completely from my life.

I can't keep coming here and enjoying this place as I used to. I have this odd feeling that Claire is near me, why do I keep thinking that?

I finished my food and tossed out my drink, time for me to go.

I pushed open the door and bumped into someone rounding the corner. My mouth parted and I couldn't speak. Was this real? No way.

_Claire._

* * *

**Claire**

I woke up with the worst headache ever. Sure, things were looking up. I gained a friend in Cherice, even though I kind of envied her. The way she spoke about her fiancée, Jamie, made me long to have something close to that.

Not that it could be with Niall. Not that I was thinking of him for the past 3 days. Not that I still wanted him even though he made it clear he absolutely didn't.

Oh well, it's not like we're going to run into each other again. How many more disasters can bring us together? I don't care to stick around to find out. He made his choice and it wasn't me. Time to move on.

Cherice had been really nice this week. She was good at distracting me from thinking of Niall. Music did the trick too. This is what I wanted, this is _all_ wanted since I came here.

Tonight I was going to meet Cherice's fiancé, then it'll be official. Whatever that meant. Cherice seemed to really like how I sang. It was refreshing, I think she genuinely saw my talent. At first, I was shocked, who wouldn't be? I've had doors slamming in my face since I came here. Guess she made me feel special, something Niall had before. Ugh, I really need to stop, you're annoyed with me now.

She's getting married soon, it's going to be a winter wedding. Perfect in the city. I'm sure that's why she picked it. I know nothing about this Jamie guy she kept on talking about. Every once in a while she'd say a couple of things that reminded her of her fiancé. Here I am, the bane of envy, maybe being around someone deeply in love would be okay, if I didn't see and feel so much green.

All I need to do is meet Jamie. It's supposed to be at this steakhouse I've never been to. I'm not really sure how I was going to pay for it, guess I'd have to cancel some self-gratification in my life temporarily to my part of the meal.

Something about Cherice seemed generous. I wouldn't ask her to pay for me, for sure, not assuming she would, or even her fiancé whom I've not met yet, would either. He could be really stingy for all I know. Guess that's why it's a surprise. He doesn't know about me either. Cherice made it a thing not to mention my name to him. Not really sure why I didn't ask her to. The more people know about me, the better, I'm actually a little anxious to meet him. I forgot to mention that, or if I did, she might have ignored it.

What am I saying? She's been a godsend. She's the only one that cared to give me a chance. I'll scrape together some money. I checked out the prices on the menu and did the calculations. It's going to set me back by a lot but I'll just need to make up for it in future shifts, maybe get a second job on the weekends. But I owe it all to Cherice. She preferred I call her Cher since she's taken to call me Bear, that's right, as in _Claire Bear_. I guess that meant I'm cuddly? I had to seriously laugh at that, because no.

The dinner was getting closer and all I can think about is returning to my favorite café to get my favorite drink. I think I earned it.

I sent a text to Cherice, or, Cher, that I'll be there tonight, just to reaffirm I was showing up.

When I walked inside, it was semi-crowded. I should probably grab something to eat quickly, actually, scratch that. I'll just eat what I have, as much as I wanted to get something good, I'll just save my appetite for later and make myself a sandwich at home.

I was up and placed my order, after paying, I waited on the side, watching them make it. I looked around the place and couldn't help but frown as I saw couples sitting at tables, obviously so in love. This is insane.

My order was called and I grabbed it, ready to zoom out of there when I stopped suddenly, my body frozen. _Niall._ He was sitting in the corner with his back to the door. Christ, I could easily escape and he won't know I was here. Why would he? He's on the phone right now, in his own world. I should just leave. That's it, I'm tired of doing this to myself.

One foot in front of the other, come on, I can do this. I pushed myself and actually made it outside, breathing a sigh of relief when I took in the fresh air and not the mental torment I was stuck in.

I turned around the opposite direction, finding my way toward the trains when I stopped, drinking from my cup. My favorite drink. My favorite place. My guy. _No, stop it. Stop trying to own him already._

Maybe he's off the phone. Okay, just this last time. Say what you need to say and then leave, for good.

I drank the rest of my cup, straightened myself up, and turned around toward the café when I almost crashed into someone.

 _Niall._ Oh God, don't look directly at him, too late.

"Claire, hi." He said, just as shocked as I was we were standing next to each other.

I forgot how to talk, instead, I folded my arms awkwardly. "Hi, umm, sorry I almost smashed into you."

"S'okay, how ya doing? Haven't been running into ya lately. Suppose that's a good thing." He smiled sheepishly, I knew what he meant, but he looked scared to admit it.

I nodded, swallowing hard, I had so much I wanted to say if I saw him again, but here I am, tongue-tied. The very sight of him left me cotton-mouthed.

"I'm gonna go, sorry, we—met again. Just, bye..." I said, sounding lamer by the second, turning around as the one thing I wanted to hear stopped me completely.

"Wait, Angel..." Niall began, I felt him behind me but I didn't face him, I couldn't.

"Every time you say that I—you _can't_ call me that." I defended, what gave him the right, honestly?

"I'm sorry I left, like that." He said it like a wounded animal, not that it mattered.

Seriously, what gave him the right to act this way? I turned around, my eyes blazing, "I think we should stay away from each other."

"What?" He asked, blinking.

I didn't owe him an explanation, but I gave him one anyway.

"Every time we meet it seems to be around something negative. My life is changing now. I've changed, I don't want to see you anymore."

Niall sighed, running his hand through his hair, staring at me with hard eyes, "So if somehow we run into each other again, what do ya expect to happen?"

"Turn around, just _leave._ Like you did that night." I said, yeah, I was stinging him, he sort of deserved it.

"Angel..." he drawled out but I held my hand up, but he continued. "Is this what you want?"

" _Stop_ calling me that, please," I begged, wanting to turn away to leave but my feet couldn't move. "I mean it."

"Is that what you want?" He repeated the question.

I looked up, suddenly feeling confident, this was no longer in my hands, "Doesn't matter."

He looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself, great, I could feel my heart snap, "Probably best, me life is complicated."

Why am I still standing here? Why haven't I just walked away yet? There was only one thing left to say. "Take care."

I turned around and walked away without giving him the satisfaction of a goodbye. I was mad, and I didn't want to see his face anymore. Never again.

* * *

**Niall**

Later that evening...I couldn't stop thinking of my run-in with Claire. I didn't want to be engaged, now was _not_ the time to be doubting myself again. I couldn't help it, I like her a lot. But I had to hurt her, I had to, now she hurt me, she had to. Two broken halves walking away, was this closure?

I'd hate me if I was Cherice. Our wedding was even more official the longer I hear about it and it was tearing me in two.

I asked Cherice to give me a hint at what the surprise was, and all I got out of her was "we finally found someone for our first dance as man and wife!" I mean, the only thing I can think of is she found us a wedding singer. Honestly, not feeling up to meeting anybody right now. Cher insisted, of course. What made matters worse, her parents will be joining us. Shame me Mam couldn't be here in time to guard me against their mental wrath.

I sighed, checking over my dark blue-collar shirt and blazer. Me hair was careless. I went for the 80s look, not much thought put into it. Either way, I looked alright, never stressed over it before, but I have a feeling me hair will be the last I stress over.

 _Why am I doing this? I don't want to do this, I think. Why couldn't I have met Claire before Cher? I don't know what to do anymore,_ I thought, seeing Cher watch me from the corner of my eye.

Sighing, I loosened me top button, figuring I should be comfortable and not tense like I was the last time I met Cher's parents. Maybe this wedding singer will somehow save me from all the cringe. I'm so pitiful, let's get this shite over with.

I called out to Cher, who was personally trying to make us late getting ready and allowing her father to reprimand me like I was his child. Everyone knew Cher's father spoiled her. If I ever pointed it, holy moly, _no way_ I'm doing that again.

I grabbed my wallet and keys, signaling for Cher to finish up. Girls and their maintenance, I'll never bloody understand it. Eventually, I managed to drag her with me, not without some whining, she had to look "perfect" whatever that meant. We made it to the car, buckled, and I drove us to the restaurant that her parents were paying for.

Claire's eyes haunted me at that moment. I brushed my hair off my eyes, trying to focus on the drive ahead. It rained, so the roads in the Bay Area weren't exactly safe. I knew I had to pull it together if I didn't want to have an accident.

Cher texted someone on her phone, the wedding singer most likely. She turned to me and smiled, I caught it, looking at her briefly.

"What?"

"Nothing, just, I love you, that's all. I'm so happy you're going to meet her tonight. She's _incredible_ , you're gonna love her. I have a good feeling about this."

I looked between her and the road, nearly cutting traffic in half when I got off the turnpike and exited on the streets, "Oh yeah? Well if you like her, I'm sure she's great. She's a singer, right?"

"I'm not saying yes, not saying no either. It's coming, baby, I promise, you're gonna _so_ surprised."

I shook my head, not sure I'm liking the way she's talking about this surprise. No matter, we're here anyway. I finally got into the restaurant parking valet. I pulled up to the gate and gave the attended money as we got out and he went inside to park the car.

Bundling up, I noticed how cold it was as it drizzled on us. I took Cher's hand and we walked to the hostess, giving our names. They told us her parents were already seated in the VIP lounge. Sounded really WASP, but who am I to complain, I'm not paying for any of this. I just had to show up, eat, look decent enough, and act semi-normal considering what I've been through the past few weeks. It wasn't Claire's fault, it wasn't anyone's fault when it came right down to it. Okay, maybe it was my fault a little bit.

Can't I just stop thinking about her for a second? I'm holding the hand of the woman I'm going to marry because I love _her_. Yeah, I do, and I will proudly say those very words from here on.

We made our way to the table where Cher's parents were seated. Cher's father stood up to shake me hand and her mother kissed me cheek. These were my future inlaws. _This_ is what mattered.

"Niall, how are you, son?" Cher's father, Ken, asked me as Cher excused herself to the ladies loo.

I nodded, "Yeah, good, how you guys?"

"Very well, we're happy to see you both, dear. Been a while since we spoke. How are you doing?" Her mother, Kate, asked me, almost pointedly.

Feeling like a wanker, but who cares? "Great, we're all loved up. Cher's been planning everything and we're all happy. Can't wait to be a married man."

I knew I was putting on a show, but who the fuck cares anymore? These people are fake, they won't see through it. As long as their daughter is happy, that's all that mattered.

Cher joined us and linked her arm with mine. She looked around and beamed a bright smile as she waved at the entrance.

I looked and couldn't see anything, it was too crowded, "Babe? Everything okay?"

"There she is! Bear, we're right here! Oh! Finally, you're gonna meet her!"

I laughed at Cher's antics, confused about what the big deal was. I turned around and my body froze in place, this was a joke, _right?_

Fuck me. _Claire._


	17. Chapter 17

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* * *

**Claire**

I decided to call Cher prior to jumping on the subway to this restaurant that was apparently a big deal in the Bay Area. Most of them are, it's not cheap to live here. Call me crazy, but I got used to talking to her and I really wanted to hear a friendly voice.

When I dialed her I didn't expect an extremely bubbly response, even more than usual. I guess she must really like me.

"Hey, Bear! So excited to have Jamie meet you tonight. So glad you called!"

I smiled into the phone, clutching it as I debated which outfit I wanted to wear for tonight. "Hey, so, I'm coming tonight. I'm actually really excited, and hella nervous, not gonna lie. So, Jamie and your parents know I'm coming?"

"Totally, they can't wait to meet you. Oh, and, don't worry, you sounded _super_ worried about the restaurant, I could tell. My parents offered to treat us tonight." Cher said; I feel like giving her a big hug, I won't be set back by a month in rent now.

"Oh, that's really kind of them. I haven't even met them and they're being so generous to me. Thank you so much. Okay, well, think I'm gonna finish getting ready right now and meet you all at the restaurant." I said, deciding to go in my fanciest dress, the dark blue one.

"Alright girl, my guy is calling me, he thinks I'm in the bathroom fixing my face. I swear, men, we need to like _tame_ them sometimes." She laughed, I had to chuckle at that too.

"Yeah, like _that_ will happen. Alright then, I'll see you guys. Take care." I said my farewell and Cher clicked off, giving me a second to take a deep breath.

Why the hell was I so nervous? Maybe because it was a big deal for me, and I don't want to embarrass myself. And maybe it had a lot to do with my life finally changing. It's nice to know I gained a new friend in all this, didn't feel so alone.

After I fixed on the dress, I did up my makeup, putting on a little more than I normally did. I knew I wasn't going to upstage Cher, she's perfect, like, if you could draw a 10/10, that'd be her. I'm not jealous, I swear. Okay, maybe a tiny bit, I suppose. Only beautiful people tend to get married, that's why I'm single.

After I grabbed my tiny purse, I made sure to grab my keys and took a deep breath before walking out and locking the door. I fixed my jacket around my neck, my scarf firmly fastened. Pretty frosty night again. It reminded me of the time I saw Niall at my favorite Chinese restaurant in downtown San Francisco.

I'll _never_ stop thinking of him, will I? No matter how many times I told myself I would, it's just not going to happen. I'm just going to have to try harder, and ignore him calling me Angel before. Because it meant nothing, it's over, I'm moving on.

I made it outside, hopping on the expressway that took me straight to the heart of the city, where this posh restaurant subsided.

I sat down and waited until my stop came. My phone beeped, I received a new message from Cher.

 _Hey girl! How's everything?_ ❤️  
 _You on your way?_

I looked up at the meter and was only 4 stops away, give or take 15 minutes.

 _Just got on the train_ 🚆 💨  
 _Be there soon_ 🙂

I guess I didn't have anything to say because she just sent me a heart as a reply. I put my phone away and sighed for the remainder of the trip.

Once I arrived, I made my way out of there, jogging upstairs, slowing down when I realized, I was rushing. I checked the time, I wasn't _that_ late. It was going to look weird if I showed up out of breath. What kind of impression is that?

I caught myself and walked calmly to the entrance of the restaurant, clearing my name and party with the Matre de. The hostess pointed to the table and I spotted Cherice and what looked like two WASP-like boomers towards the back. It looked like a private area, good thing, this restaurant was pretty classy and quiet, I need that badly.

Cher caught my eyes and waved me down. I saw her turn around to what looked like Jamie and I made my way over to them. Everything was fine, I had a huge smile on my face, then it was completely erased in an instant. This _can't_ be...

Fuck. _Niall._

My face couldn't move as my hand was held, Cher was beside me, grinning from ear to ear, tilting her head like this was her birthday. I felt the opposite. In fact, I don't even know what to feel right now. My hand burned to slap his face, hard.

"Hey everyone, this is Claire Andrews. I call her Bear, she knows why. Anyway, let me introduce you guys." She said, bringing over, practically dragging me closer to the table, and eventually, to the one person I truly never wanted to see again. "Here's my Jamie, oh sorry, here's Niall Horan, my fiancé."

Robotically, I held my hand out as he kept sitting down, staring at me like I planned this all along. I almost withdrew it back until he stood up and took my hand in his, shaking it briefly.

"Hi...Niall." I said, surprised my voice was working.

"Hello, Claire." He said in disbelief. He had some nerve to call me that and I truly wanted to pull his arm off in one go.

I let go instead, tearing my eyes away from Niall, Jamie, whoever the _hell_ he is. Fucking asshole. Can't believe I was so fooled. This is _not_ going to be a tolerable night at all.

After I shook everyone's hand graciously, Cher wanted me to sit next to Niall. I couldn't possibly make a scene here or form a fucking thought. I feel like I'm going to be sick, this can _not_ be happening. I can't even sit down let alone watch as Cher held onto Niall like she owned him. No, I need to excuse myself now.

"I need to use the ladies' room, pardon me," I said, making quick eye contact with everyone except Niall as I made my way through the crowd and toward the bathroom, collapsing on the couch.

I held my face in my hands and felt the tears coming. I have never felt heartbreak and betrayal like this and I feel like it's only going to get worse. How am I going to deal with seeing him be her?

"Angel?" I heard Niall say from behind me. Please God, kill me right now. "Are you alright?"

I scoffed, I couldn't look at him, only at the floor, "Go away."

"I should have told you right away. I just didn't wanna—"

I whipped my head to stare daggers at him, daring him to continue, my eyes were seeing red.

" _Hurt_ you. Like now. Look, we just kept meeting and it happened so fast, all those instances. I don't know what to say..."

I was beyond hurt, beside myself, I just wanted to leave, and hide, "Please, go away. I can't deal with this now."

"Yes, you can, love. Go out there, let me have it when we're alone, tell me the truth, don't hold back. Hold your head up, don't let your emotions consume you. I'll listen to you, promise."

This was ridiculous, this was all in my head, it _had_ to be. Niall wasn't here, he's just in an amalgam.

"Don't promise me anything, I—"

Just as I suspected, he wasn't there. Of course, he wasn't. I breathed in sharply, trying to compose myself. Locking myself in here wasn't doing me any good. Imaginary Niall was right, the real Niall was a joke. I know that now.

I was going to be okay, I told myself that as I regrouped and made my way out of the ladies' lounge. Even crashing into Niall on the way wasn't going to stop me.

* * *

**Niall**

We had placed our orders, but Claire, she was still in the ladies' loo. I couldn't help but feel responsible for everything.

"Jamie, please go check on Claire, I'm worried," Cher said, bumping my elbow.

I raised my drink to my lips, "She's grand. Leave her alone."

Cher scoffed, "Can't believe you're being _this_ heartless. Just go see if she's okay. I don't wanna lose her."

 _I already have,_ I grit my teeth and pushed myself up from the chair, "Fine, be right back."

Her parents glared at me like this was my fault, then again, this wouldn't be the first time they stared me down. Right now, I just didn't feel comfortable around anyone.

I made my way toward the restroom area, not daring to go inside, but waiting. Claire emerged with her head down, her face avoiding everything around her as she brushed past me.

Guess I deserved that, I'm assuming that's how the rest of the evening will be like. Groaning, I dragged my body back to the table, all eyes were shifting from me to Claire, can't believe she's part of anything involving my future marriage.

I took my seat near Cher and saw Claire took the seat directly across from me, claiming it to be "warmer and comfortable, yet she had her body completely twisted around like I didn't exist. She was mostly staring at Cher, more shifting her eyes between Cher and her mother. I could tell Mrs. Taylor was judging her, maybe not in words but her eyes gave it away.

"Well, Claire, so, when did you meet my daughter?"

Claire rubbed the back of her neck, swallowing. "A few days ago. She came to one of my first gigs, performance. Honestly, I was really shocked she liked my music."

"Mama, she's incredible. Especially that song she wrote. Wait, you told me it was about a guy you met recently? Is that right?" Cher asked her innocently.

I coughed, no way this was going in the direction I think it's going in.

"Oh, well," Claire blushed, she looked at me briefly before staring back at Cher, " _That's_ over with. Actually, I didn't mean to sing that song. It just came out."

Cher's smile curved as she raised her brow, "I read people very well, I think you're still falling for him. When I heard you sing and it seemed like there were still feelings there."

Claire's face pretty much revealed more than she wanted to say. I didn't know what to think, I didn't have a clue what to do with this information.

I can't have her doing this, no way. She won't sabotage my engagement, I had to do something.

"So, Cher, you said you found us a wedding singer?" I asked, dumbly.

Cher looked at me like I had one eye, "Baby, _Claire_ is our wedding singer. Surprise!"

Even though I already knew, it still hurt to hear that. This felt like _The Twilight Zone_ on steroids. My blood pressure shot up, my hand shook. I'm in a living nightmare.

I closed my eyes and looked at Cher who had the brightest, most oblivious smile on her face.

Claire stayed quiet, and I couldn't form a full thought, I just wanted to punch a wall. I took a deep breath and plastered on a smile, I couldn't lose it in front of my future in-laws.

"Brilliant! Congrats on finding a singer."

I couldn't look at Claire and now I knew the reason why she couldn't look at me either. Cher laughed at my weirdly intense reaction and cupped my face, placing a kiss on my lips. Dear God, not now.

I stared forward and saw Claire engaged in a soft conversation with Cher's mom, sipping her drink, still pretending I'm not there. I wondered how long this was going to last until the night was over.

I really hate everything about this night. The faster it ended, the better it will be for me tonight. Claire wanted nothing to do with me, and it's best I have minimal to do with her.

I have a girl to marry soon, I love her very much, and no fangirl was going to destroy that.

* * *

**Claire**

I spent most of the night speaking with Kenneth and Katherine, Cher's parents. I didn't mind all the questions, they seemed to genuinely care about getting to know me. But I felt unworthy suddenly, they were so glamorous and pristine in how they presented themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if they owned a yacht or was part of a club.

These people are so far removed from me they might as well be from another planet. A few things were a plus to me as I continued our conversation. Kenneth owned a sound studio and occasionally played guitar with a bunch of his friends from college. For a guy whose forte was stocks and market bonds as well as real estate, he actually seemed more normal than I assumed. I've been dying to have a chance to record myself professionally. Maybe I could ask him if there was an open window to record some of my raw demos. Kill me for being old school, but I've always wanted to record an album the old-fashioned way.

I knew Niall was staring at me but I didn't oblige to give him an ounce of my attention. I can only hope we weren't going to be alone tonight, doubt it, but fuck me if I've ever been proved wrong. Each time we met it seemed to be one disaster after another, but _nothing_ compared to this. I felt my heart slowly dying sneaking a peek in their direction when he wasn't looking. Especially when Cher kept kissing his cheek and placed her hands in his lap.

I almost gave myself away when Cher brought up the song I sang. I couldn't tell what Niall thought when I stared at him. I saw his fist balled up and his eyes growing tense before he fake smiled at his... _fiancé?_ This is a joke, he wasn't in love with her. Not that I thought he felt anything for me, I _know_ he didn't. But if he did love her, then all that's happened between us was a lie.

I don't hate Cherice, she clearly loved him, it was obvious how much she did when she touched him the entire time during the dinner. He thought I didn't see him, but the second his eyes came off me and back on her, I saw it all and broke inside. This _shouldn't_ affect me like it did, but I truly wanted to be Cherice in that moment.

Dinner went by quickly when I wasn't checking the time every other moment. I had no idea what I was going to do, or if I still wanted this job. Cherice came back from the ladies' room and we all decided it was time to go home. I couldn't be happier, the night needed to end.

I moved to to hug everyone and stopped in front of Niall. We stared at each other before he tried to tell me through his eyes to play along and hug him before anything else happened. I am going to castrate him severely if we're ever alone. I sighed and gave him a quick and slightly awkward hug. I felt him wanting to hug me longer but I pulled away before he could act on it. Who the fuck did he think he is?

We all made it outside and it was freezing. I made sure to check how long the wait was until the next rideshare was available. My eyes bugged out and my mouth hung open. 45 minutes, what the actual fuck?! That's a joke. I'll freeze to death.

I hated what I was about to do and I'm already regretting the question before it flew from my mouth. "Hey, umm, Cher, is there any way you can drop me off on the way? I'm sorry, it's just, I'll be waiting for the next ride and it's almost an hour."

She smiled and placed her hand on my arm, "Oh, that's too bad. Of course, oh wait, Mama, there's this surprise you wanted to give me?"

Katherine nodded, "Yes sweetheart, we can take you back once we give it to you as an early wedding gift. Oh, Claire, honey, you don't mind?"

"No," I said, yes I did, very much you asshole. "It's fine, I'll check if there are any cabs available right now."

"Girl, no, we're not doing that." Cher started to say. "Oh, hey, Niall, you can take her back. It's much better that way."

I finally looked at Niall long enough for him to look at me with the same expression. We both didn't want to be alone with each other.

"Niall?" Cher asked, pushing his arm.

"What?" He asked as if he was poked by something sharp without warning.

I winced at the cringe in his voice, I felt that.

"I _said_ you're driving Claire home. We don't want her taking a cab at this time a night." She repeated with slight annoyance to her tone.

I rubbed my forehead, this was _not_ going in the right direction. But it didn't look like we had much choice. How fucking convenient?

He looked at me with regret in his eyes and stared at Cher, waving her off, "Alright then, let's go."

My mouth remained pressed in a hard line as I moved past him, huddling my shoulders for warmth. I wasn't going to walk with him, he picked up on that real fast, trailing behind me as I made it to his car.

I heard the door unlock and Niall near me as he opened the passenger side. I barely looked at him, still not knowing what to say. A million thoughts ran through my mind and a part of me felt bad for thinking of saying any of them. Neither of us wanted to be near each other, but the hurt in his eyes unclenched my face. I saw the guy who saved me all those times. The man I had feelings for, not that it mattered anymore. He still wanted to protect me, even now.

I went inside, staring at him with some pain in my eyes, "Thanks."

"Welcome," he said, stiffly, shutting the door gently.

I turned around and he appeared in the driver's seat. We buckled silently, still not speaking. I know we're supposed to be upset with each other, but I was conflicted. _Someone_ had to say something. How long are we going to be like this?

I stared at his profile, my hand ached to touch him but I wasn't allowed, _not_ anymore. I sucked in a breath sharply, looking away as Niall forced himself to pull out of the parking lot, driving on the residential roads.

"440 South Winfield Dri—"

"I remember where ya live, love."

 _Love_ , he's calling me that like everything was okay between us. Sighing heavily, I turned my eyes off him and looked out the window.

"Very well, take the highway, you'll get there faster."

He scoffed into a laugh, "Fair play."

My blood was boiling profusely and he was laughing at a time like this? "Just drive me home already."

"Ya think tonight has been easy for me too?" He finally confessed aloud.

I shook my head, smirking, guess we're going there, "Yes, I could see how _devastating_ this must be for you."

Niall was quiet for a long moment until I heard the muscles in his neck contract as he swallowed roughly, I shut my eyes.

"I should have told ya. Before..."

Please no, _don't_ do that.

"Doesn't matter anymore," I said and dared to look at him. "You're engaged, those are the facts. And I'm your wedding singer."

Niall sighed and pulled the car over to the side curb near my residence. He pulled the car into park, keeping his hand on the steering wheel, hearing him grip it more like.

"I don't know if what Cher said was true. If ya wrote a song about me, I don't," he said with a heavy sigh and turned to me, staring into my eyes. "You look so beautiful tonight. That's what I know right now."

I shivered, not from the cold, but the way Niall's eyes drifted to my lips. I've dreamed of this, and I still wanted it, feeling my anger slip away as my hand slowly reached to touch his cheek. I pulled my hand away like I was burned.

"No! This isn't another dream. It's not right." I grumbled, my breathing sped up.

"I'm sorry. I—you're right." He pulled the car in drive and drove to my place.

"I'm so scared to be alone with you..."

Niall stared straight forward, jaw clenched tightly, he made it to my building, pulling over to the side. "I can't control myself around you."

"You _have_ to," I begged, placing my hand on the handle. Niall touched my shoulder, I stilled, closing my eyes.

"Angel...wait."

"Niall, I need to go."

"I know, please let me say something."

I pulled back in the seat, gazing at him.

"Can you give me any reason why I shouldn't marry Cherice?" He asked me, a hard look in his eyes, shifting over to my face in anticipation.

I shook my head, lying to myself and to the man I had to let go of.

"I can't," I said, moving to open the door, jogging up the stairs, punching the code angrily through the gate.

I leaned against the wall and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. My body slumped down to the cold floor but I didn't care.

"How am I gonna do this?"

I really couldn't. At what price do I pay for my dreams? I finally have everything I've wanted for myself. That should be enough.

But it wasn't, I wanted Niall. I have feelings for him. But I can't have him.

"Yanno...you _could_ have just told the truth. You could have lashed out at me. I deserve it. You got so close, love. Now, who knows when you'll reveal how you feel. Until after I'm married?!" Niall's voice in my head said. I looked up and I saw him crouched down. "Don't wait, I won't give up on ya, promise. Tell me, don't be afraid of anything."

I breathed in sharply, "I can't...I'll lose my dreams." I stood up and ran upstairs, opening my door.

Niall stood near the couch, leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes. I was getting tired of this. Collapsing on the couch, he kneeled next to me, the corners of his mouth lifting.

"What if you could have everything?"

"You're _not_ real, leave me alone please."

He smiled, "Get me outta ya heart first, love."

I sprang up and Niall disappeared. What did he mean just now? And why did having everything seem like the craziest, pathetic, most attainable notion I wanted to fight for?


	18. Chapter 18

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* * *

**Niall**

I had feelings for two women, what the fuck am I going to do? The way I felt about Claire, is it worth destroying my engagement? She wrote a song about me, she felt the same, I _knew_ she did when she touched my cheek. We almost kissed tonight, we both wanted to, but she held back, why?

I turned to my side, staying awake as I waited for Cher to come home. After tonight, I wasn't sure if I was going to get any rest. I stood up and grabbed a beer, drinking most of it as I checked the time. Barely after midnight, I don't think Cher's coming home. Her parents were sleeping early and or they are probably too tired.

I placed my bottle down on the counter and grabbed the skin between my eyes. I looked around the counter and spotted a piece of paper I didn't recognize. A name that stuck out in Cher's big handwriting caught my eye.

Under the name "Claire Bear" there was a phone number. I stared at it and bit my lip. I grabbed the paper and took up my phone, turning it on.

I winced as I threw caution to the wind, dialing her number. As I waited, my heart beat extremely hard against my chest.

"Hello? Who's there?" Claire's voice came on the other end, I tensed.

"It's Niall," I said, surprised I didn't hear her hang up on me.

She sighed, I felt that in my soul. "How'd you get my number?"

"Cher, she wrote it down. I didn't realize it was a note for me."

"You s _houldn't_ be calling me."

Stress hit my mouth, "I had to hear your voice again."

A silent beat hit between us.

"This is wrong. If you weren't engaged..."

"I know, I saw it in your eyes. I haven't seen that look in a long time."

"It doesn't matter how I feel."

" _Yes_ , it does. I'm struggling here, so are you. I should have chased after ya."

"Niall...when I bumped into you that day at the café, I had a feeling something wasn't right. I see a lot of things in your eyes, I saw that too. Now, seeing you—it changes everything. If you didn't leave that night..."

"Ya would've been in me arms. I think about that night every day. If I had known how ya felt..."

"Would you _still_ be getting married?"

No, I wanted to say that to her. No was the only answer I felt in my heart, so _why_ can't I say it?

"Like I said, it doesn't matter how I feel, because it's too late. I'll burn those songs, don't worry, Niall. Congratulations by the way. Finding the love of your life must feel indescribable. Cherice loves you very much."

I rubbed the back of my neck, pacing as I threw my hand up, "So _that's_ it? That's all you have to say?"

"I have no choice. This is everything I've wanted and I finally have it. I have everything I want now. Everything I need."

"Do you?"

"Niall, my head can't stay in the clouds. This is my chance and I'm taking it. I am happy." She said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself of that than me.

"Angel...the harder we fight this—we can't fight it for long. Especially after tonight, love. We felt it together. It's not too late. Don't think that. That night in the park, I think of that every day. If the rain hadn't come..."

"Doesn't matter! You're engaged. You're going to be married very soon. I have to forget all those moments between us."

"Please don't, forgetting everything isn't the answer."

"It's the only right one, Niall. My dreams are at stake here. It just doesn't matter, please let it go."

"I can't let ya go. _Fuck_ that. You held back tonight for a reason. Why is that?"

She was quiet on the other end, I smiled, feeling me eyes water, so it's true.

"Because I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"So this crack in me heart is meaningless?"

She whimpered, I've give anything to hold her, "No, it's not. You don't think I'm in pain too? Seeing someone else touch you right in front of me. Feeling like someone was squeezing my heart."

I smiled slightly, reveling in what she finally admitted, "We _can't_ fight this love. We don't want to. I need to see ya."

"That's _not_ a good idea."

"That's irrelevant. We can't go on like this."

"Niall, you're _engaged_. And you're _still_ engaged to my friend. I _can't_ do this to her. I _won't_ do this to her. You need to let me go, please." She said as if it was a warning of some kind. "Just wake up already."

Tears slipped off my face, I didn't bother wiping them, suddenly, I heard knocking. Leaning back on the couch, I shut my eyes, trying to compose myself.

"Niall! Open up! It's _me_ , come on! Why are you locking me out?" I heard Cher saying in the background and my eyes sprung up. _"Niall!"_

I leaped from the couch, checking my hand, no phone. Nothing. What the fuck just happened? I just called Claire and confessed everything, we were so close, then, what in the hell is going on?

More pounding, Cher shouted from behind the door. "Niall, ya deadbolted it, come on and let me inside."

Taking a breath, I raised up and stomped my feet to the door, unlocking the deadbolt chain and flinging it open. My expression wasn't exactly happy, I could tell by hers.

"What's up with you? I've been out here for like, 5 minutes, felt like forever." She whined, moving past me as she carried a gift bag in her hand.

You don't want to know, love, just don't ask. "Sorry, I thought you were staying at your Mam's. Got late."

Cher's brow rose, but dropped it, I breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay, well, Moma gave me something _really_ special to wear on our day. I'd show you, but, I want you to be surprised and wait until we get married."

I gulped, mouth pressing in a hard line. "Fair play, umm, I'm going to bed, long day, early morning."

"Alrighty then, oh, don't forget, Claire's coming this weekend to go over song choices. You finally get to hear how amazing she is. Isn't that wonderful?"

Nodding, I had no choice but to agree with her, she is amazing, and I'm an asshole. "Yeah, it is."

"Oh, and before I forget, I gave her your number. She's gonna call ya in like 10 minutes. Just some stuff she wanted to talk to you about. Wedding stuff, she already told me. Gave your number." She said, moving to her room to put away whatever she was holding.

Great, more scolding, so it's not going to be just a nightmare after all. I went to the kitchen to fetch a cold drink. Going to need one for what I was about to face.

My phone rang, I let it ring for a full minute before answering.

"Hey, Niall, it's Claire."

* * *

**Claire**

I strummed a few chords, thinking of what transpired tonight and what I can do to make it somewhat tolerable. I was running on empty. Niall was engaged and I was a fool to think I meant any more to him than just a girl he happened to save all those times. Except for this time, when I secretly wanted him to go after me, save me from true heartbeat. Tell me that I should be the one in his life. The potential to be something more.

But that's crazy because life is never that transparent. There are _always_ variables.

I guess I blamed myself for letting it get too far in my head. In a way, I did use him as a muse, never did I think for a second his fiancé would decide my future based on the song I wrote about her future husband. It was so silly, all these fantasies in my head, so careless.

This isn't right. I handled things badly. Is it too late to make it right again? Maybe not.

I sent out a text to Cher, asking her for Niall's cell number, and she asked me why. I told her mostly the truth. Just wanted to keep in touch with both of them and let him know I was grateful for the opportunity and to thank him personally for this evening. Mainly just focused on the wedding party, just so it wouldn't sound too suspicious. I figured, she would have eventually given him my number, or I would have gotten his number in some way. Success! She dropped his digits.

I took a deep breath, praying that he wasn't asleep or let it go to voicemail because it was an unknown number. Cher _did_ say she would let him know, so, I guess that made me a little certain he would pick up.

Dialing his numbers in my keypad, I waited for a cool minute until I heard his smooth Irish accent greeting me. Focusing on my main objective, I followed his formalities with my own.

"Hey, Niall, it's Claire," I said, trying not to sound bruised from the current reality.

"Hello, how are ya?"

Closing my eyes, I sunk back in my chair, "Alright, I just wanted to call to—well, I wanted to say something. If I may..."

Silence, then Niall cleared his throat. When anyone did that, it was never good.

"What did ya wanna say?"

I took a deep breath, feeling the last ounce of confidence slip through me. "I'm so sorry for tonight."

"What?" He asked me, shock evident in his voice.

"For the way, I... _behaved_. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I didn't have the right. And for what happened in your car especially, that was wrong, I'm sorry."

Niall was deathly quiet, it had me worried, I didn't mean to make it worse. After a long, tedious moment, he shifted on his end.

"You don't need to apologize to me, love, but I understand. I'm sorry too, I should have told you about Cherice."

Shutting my eyes, I pinched the bridge between my eyes. "I don't want this experience to be uncouth. What I mean is, I just think that maybe there are some things that need to be cleared out of the way. I am so happy for you both. The way she talks about you, she's great, I'm sure you know. I don't need to tell you, I'm lucky to be singing at your wedding. Very fortunate."

Niall breathed out after a long moment. "Thank you, I appreciate the lovely words."

 _Why didn't you chase after me?_ I wanted to ask, but instead, I went with what my head wanted to say. "You and Cherice make a lovely couple. Perhaps, the more I get to know you both, I can write a better song than I have previously."

"There is no need, really. It's not necessary."

"But I want to, for making my dreams come true. This means everything to me. I can't thank you both enough, Niall. You inspire me." I said, holding my tongue, my raw feelings dripping through, I had to clarify. "I mean—"

"I know what you meant, love. I know..."

I winced, there was so much we aren't saying to each other. Maybe it was hard hearing it, but, it felt like he was dancing around saying what he really wanted to say. I didn't call him for that. No matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't do that to Cherice.

"Well, I'll be coming by to see you guys for the weekend. Did Cher mention this to you?"

"Yeah, she did." He said in a clipped tone, hearing him take a drink of something.

"Good, umm, well, when you see me next I'll be ready to play something for you guys. Possibly something original." I smiled, I still wanted to be a known singer/songwriter. This was my purpose, and using this opportunity was only going to help me get there faster. "Something that works for you both."

Niall tensed, he was oddly quiet again, something was on his mind, and I dreaded to think that things weren't as mended as I thought. "Can I ask ya a question?"

"Sure, of course."

"How long have you known Cher for? The truth?"

I bit my lip, wondering what he was getting at. "Three days. She just happened to be where I had my first performance."

"Three days isn't very long. Do you consider her your best friend?"

I grimaced, shaking my head slightly, holding my head in my hand. "I don't know. She's been the closest thing to a friend I've had since I moved here."

"Closer than me, Claire?" He prodded, I could practically feel him smirking.

Tears slipped off my face, "No..."

"Alright...we'll finish this conversation when I see ya this Sunday. Take care, Claire, goodnight." He said, hanging up before I could respond.

Oh, this was _not_ good for me, for him, for _anyone._


	19. Chapter 19

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* * *

**Niall**

I anticipated Sunday like you wouldn't believe. Hear me out, I'm _not_ giving up on Claire yet. I know, deep down, I know she felt for me just as strongly as I do for her. But I'm like the cops, I could have all the inferring inklings, but, I need more evidence. _So_ coaxing information from her was going to be a little challenging in front of Cherice, but eventually, _something_ had to give.

That something is her heart, it's _mine_ , she wanted to give it to me, and today, I'm going to give her that chance. I feel like I'm getting closer to it. So when I end up telling Cherice, it wouldn't be a shock. Let her get used to Claire's real feelings for me and vice versa. Today will be the point of reckoning, and I'm grateful for it.

Smiling, I dressed for the day, making sure to wear my most charming ensemble, call it the outfit I used to score girls before Cherice. Sure, my motive today was pretty clear. Claire and I wanted each other, I just need my fiancé to actually _see_ it, and know that it's real.

It's going to take time though, I'm aware of that because Claire had a bite on her, no doubt about it, seen a sneak peek of it last night. But she felt something, there's _no_ denying it. I'm actually glad she's coming for brunch today. Haven't been able to sleep well until I look into her eyes. Those eyes that held mine, the moment in my car in which she fought what she felt for me. That potential made me grasp even more reason to prove I wasn't imagining it too.

But...I'm a git, I didn't chase after her, I _should_ have. I have to do this right, it had to be gradual, organic, real, I have to _know_ she felt the same. Without a shadow of a doubt. Then all will be well.

Checking the time, Cher and Mam were at the store shopping for groceries. They'd be back in 15 minutes, per Cher's text sent to me just now.

My phone pinged and it was Claire, I smiled, reading the text.

_Okay, I'm coming over, actually, I'm close, walking up now_

She didn't send a smile, but it didn't matter. Spending time alone with her is good, I _needed_ to see her. And I had a feeling she felt the same way. I wasn't going to tell her Cher's not here. We _had_ to be alone.

My gate buzzer rang, I knew it her and buzzed her up. I checked the mirror briefly before smiling, I was doing the right thing, I just hope she wasn't going to run away like she had last night. A knock on the door brought me back to reality. Deep breaths, I got this.

"Coming," I jogged over to the door, unchaining the lock, and pulled it open.

Claire smiled slightly, then erased it when she saw me, almost dropping her guitar case. Christ, she looked incredibly beautiful in that floral dress. Did she wear it for me? She pursed her cherry red lips, the shine of the color made me want to lick it off her, but I held back.

"Mornin', come in, love," I said, brightly, moving the door to let her in.

She pressed her lips together, oh boy, "Where's Cherice?"

"She's with Mam at the store getting food. You can come in and wait." I said, watching her very carefully.

"Umm, your mom is here too?" She asked me.

I nodded, "I asked her to be."

Claire nodded, moving her big hair from her eyes, staring down. "Very well, I can wait for them."

With that, she turned away and began walking down the hall. I was right behind her, following her to the elevator.

"You don't have to do this, I said it was okay to come inside."

"Well, I chose _not_ to." She spoke gruffly and pushed the elevator button, impatiently tapping her foot.

I ran my fingers through my hair, "Claire, come inside to wait, they're coming. I swear it, not lying to ya."

She breathed heavily, I could tell my proximity made her nervous. I wanted to take her hand, among many things, but I didn't. Slowly, gradually, eventually...

"Angel..." I whispered, her ice-blue eyes turned to me.

Just as the elevator door opened, she sighed harshly, fine, she was mad at me. Okay, this was going to take some work.

She hesitated before turning on her heel and walking toward the door with me hot on her trail. I smiled briefly as we were alone, finally, and shut the door, deadbolting it.

I approached her closely and leaned near her ear.

"You're _not_ dreaming, love. This is real," I said, pulling back as she dropped her case beside her.

When she shivered, I knew she stopped breathing because I held my breath too, swallowing as I reached to take her quivering hand in mind, closing my eyes when I felt her hand holding mine back in surprise. She turned around, moving her other hand to cup my cheek, mimicking the déjà vu of last night, only, I felt it stronger this time.

"This isn't real, I'm dreaming again," she said, speaking so softly I had to strain myself to hear a syllable.

"We're having the same dream, _again_?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow, I couldn't stop staring at her lips then back into her eyes.

Claire stared at my mouth and I knew it was over. She parted her lips, swallowing roughly, letting her hands flow in me hair, feeling her fingers lightly scratching my scalp. Close the fucking gap, do _not_ abort.

She pulled apart when a loud banging wrapped at the door, it was so loud it scared me as well.

"We can't..." she whispered, shaking her head as Cher's voice was heard behind the door. "We _just_ can't."

"I'll think of something, _promise_ ," I said, staring at the door, begrudgingly rushing to it.

"Would ya _stop_ locking this door, Niall? What the actual fuck?!" Cher yelled, great, now she's cursing too. I can't believe it was around Mam, I have never felt more embarrassed than I do now.

I pulled the chain off and flung it open to reveal a pissed off looking Cher and Mam, holding her face in the same mortification as me. Cher had zero manners and Mam wasn't going to say anything but her reaction said enough.

"Why'd you do it again?!" Cher rushed out, pushing past me angrily, and paused when she spotted Claire standing with her arms folded across her chest, I felt awful for making her feel that way. "Oh, Bear! You're here! We were gonna cook first and have you here by the time it's ready."

Claire and I shared a look and we both started to speak, but she was louder.

"I wanted to arrive early. Sent you guys a text before." She said, fiddling with her hands as she picked up her guitar case.

Cher gave a suspicious look and pulled out her phone, raising it to check her messages, "There it is! So careless. I swear, my phone never gets alerts. Jamie knows that all too well, right babe?"

Don't drag me into this, " _Right_."

Mam's face perked in curiosity as she approached Claire and I prayed silently, "Hello, love, and you are?" She extended her free hand.

Claire held my eyes for a second before shaking Mam's hand briefly, "I'm so sorry, I'm Claire, I'm, umm, I'm _their_ wedding singer."

"How lovely, what a nice surprise. I assume you've already met me son?" Mam said, looking between me and Claire.

She all but glared at me but politely smiled at Mam. "Yes...we've _met_ before."

"Lovely," Mam said sweetly and came around to place the bag of groceries on the dining table, struggling to steady them.

Cher just stood there, fiddling on her phone and Claire went to help Mam out. Mam just smiled at her, I had to also, it was a kind gesture.

"Oh, thank you, dear. You're a guest here, it's not needed."

She smiled softly, it reached her eyes, "It's no problem, I don't mind helping you."

Cher scoffed, fuck, shite, not now. "Girl, you don't have to. Maura's right, you're a guest here. Go on, relax. We're just gonna get brunch started, then comes the music."

Claire's bottom lip quivered, I hated that. No, Angel, don't be upset. Cher just _had_ to embarrass her too. "Sorry, just wanted to help out."

"Niall?! Hey, I'm talking to you. Niall?! You there?" Cher raised her voice and came next to me. I stared at her.

"What?"

"Go help your Mom, Bear, and I are gonna hang in the meantime. Make yourself useful," No, this is bad, this is not going well. I didn't move, "Go, now!"

Rolling my eyes, Mam nodded toward the kitchen, I got the hint, dragging me body to go help Mam out. "Fine, sorry."

I caught Claire's expression briefly, giving anything in that moment just to snog her right good in front of everyone, but I bit my tongue and joined Mam, turning my back to the brewing drama behind me.

When the girls disappeared, Mam cleared her throat, giving me that look she often did when she felt protective over me, complete with the most uncomfortable sigh.

"I don't like her behavior, love, we'll chat more when you're alone. I just don't like it, if ya want me to say something, I will."

I sighed and began helping her with the preparation and washed all the vegetables. "We're all stressed, Mam. I'll talk to her. Don't trouble yaself out. I don't want drama."

"Your Dad and I have our rouses, but we work things out. Ya need to chat to her, it has to be right. I don't want that poor girl hurt."

"Cher isn't hurt, believe me."

"I wasn't talking of Cherice, love. I meant Claire, I just met her and she looked proper scared. Poor thing was shaking like a leaf. Make sure she doesn't get hurt too, yeh?"

I nodded, wanting nothing more right now than to make sure Claire didn't get hurt. "Of course, I promise ya."

Mam looked at me as I helped her with the meat and veggies. "Do you know her?" Claire?"

Busted, me face and body language gave way too much away. I don't lie to Mam, and I'm not going to start now. "Yes...we each other."

Mam shrugged, keeping an eye on me as I cleaned something random. "We'll chat soon, yeh? I love ya, always will. No matter what you feel."

She knew, even without me confessing it officially. She knew, and she understood why I was quiet. Why Claire and I were locked in here by my own doing. She knew what I wanted, and I just stared at her, eyes glassy, emotionally combustible as all hell, but determined as ever to get to the bottom of it. She knew just like she knew everything else about me.

Mam dried her hands off and placed her arms around me, I needed it. I needed to know what I'm feeling for Claire is justified, whatever it is I'm feeling, that I just can't shake off. "Love ya, Mam, it's gonna alright, yeh?"

"I know, do what ya feel is right. I'll be right back, using the loo." She said, letting go of me and disappeared around the corner.

I frowned as I heard footsteps and groaned as I knew who was behind me. I turned around and stared into Claire's eyes, her tucked behind her ear. She just stared at me for a few seconds before she broke it.

"Umm, Cher's on the phone with her girlfriend. Just wanted to give her privacy. Would you like some help?" She asked me, gesturing.

 _Say no, you got it, do not let her near you, you're barely hanging on,_ I thought, "Well, not much to do actually, just letting things settle."

Claire nodded, smiling politely, "Alright, I'll go get my guitar ready, umm, Cher wanted to go over songs, that's why I'm here."

"That the only reason?" I asked her before I can stop myself, wincing as I placed the kitchen towel on my shoulder.

I briefly looked at Claire biting her lip, she's like me, lying wasn't an option, not when you're doing it to someone you care about.

"Must be..." Claire said, more whimpered as she breathed hard. I could feel her heartbeat thumping from here.

I glanced at her smiling sadly, my chest aching to drag her into me arms and completely lose the plot. But I turned my attention back on the sizzling meat in front of me, making sure it wasn't burned. Cooking, that's more important than me feelings.

I could hear faint tuning as Claire focused completely on her guitar, taking out some sheet music from inside her case.

"Niall? Did you hear me, love?" Mam asked behind me, I closed my eyes and reopened them.

She reached behind me to cover the sizzling pan that began to smoke and gazed at me in concern. "Dear, are ya alright?"

We both looked in the same direction, Claire closed her eyes as she finger pinked a song she was testing out. I breathed, my entire body wanting to collapse into a pool to cool down the heat that roamed in me. I am barely holding it together.

Mam looked near my ear, "Talk with her, don't let it be too late."

I shook me head. That's the problem, Mam, I'm afraid it already is.


End file.
